BOO!

Holy Crap! This has been the longest week of my life and it's only Monday! Doing the classroom Halloween circuit along with Craig's work Halloween thing, trying to have a somewhat healthy meal and carving the fricken' pumpkins we forgot to carve over the weekend, I'm fucking beat. Let's not forget the actual trick-or-treating. Holy Hell, they got a lot of candy! Then I look at my blog that hasn't been updated in almost a week and I feel bad.

Boy, that Catholic guilt thing will stay with you for a long, long time! On a different note...

I had a nice little Mom memory/love thing happen today. Well, as you might know my mom died almost two years ago. I inherited a lot of her clothes. Today I decided to put on a Halloween sweatshirt of hers. When I grabbed it, I smelled it. It has a very faint smell of mom, Shalimar and something else I can't describe. Not a bad smell, a memory smell, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I put it over my head to put it on and I pushed my arm through the sleeve and out popped a Kleenex from the cuff. I had to laugh! My mother used to blot her nose or lips and then stuff her Kleenex up her sleeve just in case she or anyone else needed it. This may seem gross to some, but I always thought it was cute. I knew if I sneezed or unexpectedly burst into tears, my mom had me covered, out would come a tissue from her sleeve.

Anywho, it was a great way to start off this insanely busy day!!!

Lara's Tag

I've not been inspired to write much lately, but Lara gave me an excuse.

The rules:
1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas…
5. Tag five people to do the same.

My 23rd post was about Reality Bites being on American Movie Classics. My 5th sentence:

Mostly because Ethan Hawke is so sexy and tortured throughout the whole thing.

I guess this proves I don't alway write complete sentences, my age and the fact that I had a thing for brooding, tortured men once upon a time. I also enjoy reminiscing about my own tortured youth and still sometimes harass myself for my wildness. Although, some of my biggest mistakes have been the best things that have ever happened to me. It's all about the journey people!

I hereby tag
1. Craig
2. Rosie
3. Jonesy
4. Trudy
5. Jay

If you want to participate, great! If you don't, no biggie!

So sorry I've not blogged much lately. I'm blogstipated.

I started to blog about Harriet Miers and what a loser she is. She's such a loser that the Catholic Church has denied that she was ever Catholic. Yeah, they even looked back to see if there were any records of her receiving any sacraments. How bad do you have to be that an entire religion wants to go on record to deny that you were ever one of them?

I digress, I didn't write that blog because I'm all worn out from The Shrub. I have no more energy for his uselessness.

I was then going to blog about how hard it is to be a parent. There's a news flash, right? I didn't go into parenting with blinders on. I knew it was going to be a tough gig, but holy cow! With every corner turned, something new comes up to kick my ass. The constant questioning and wondering if you're doing the right thing. The worrying about the future therapy bills. I know, I just know that I'm going to drive them to therapy. Every time I make a mistake I think, holy crap there's another mother-of-the-year nomination. The file of my failings as a parent is thick!

So I chose not to go on about parenting. After all, it isn't as if what I have to say is new. Then I was going to blog about the sarcastic bastard I live with. Here's a tidbit from last night:

Me: They never explained in the movie how they were going to get the anecdote to all of those people.

Him: They'd probably just tell them a joke.

Me: You're an asshole. Sorry, ANTIDOTE!

Him: What?

Me: You couldn't just say, "You misspoke, honey, you meant antidote, not anecdote" You had to be a smart ass and correct me with a sarcastic, snotty comment. I know I'm not a brainiac, but being snotty like that just rubs it in, like "look how stupid she is!"

Him: That's not true. You were smart enough to get my dig! (grins)

Me: Very funny!

Okay, so he is funny, but he's also a sarcastic bastard. I didn't want to devote an entire blog to him either. That's just the encouragement he needs. So here I sit, with nothing of any real consequence to note. Still pluggin' along. I'll let you know when I'm not all blogged up and the ideas are free flowing, so to speak!

Who wants to come over?

It's a sad state of affairs when you're cleaning house and your 6 year old says, "who's coming over?" Apparently that's the only time I really clean! Oh well. The house is cleaner than it's been in months, the fall decorations are up and I finally have something hanging on the dining room wall, that has been vacant most of the 4 1/2 years we've lived in this house. All is well!

I did in fact have people over. Last night I hosted the squadron spouses meeting. No event works out without a few mishaps. While making hummus the night before I almost caught the kitchen on fire. The blender got all discombobulated with the ingredients that go into making hummus. It sounded like a car that was pulling hight RPM's and smelled like burned wires. I think it may go to blender heavan. It's been good to us with the many margaritas and milk shakes, but alas it's little motor was all blended out.

While vacuuming yesterday the damn vacuum did the same exact thing. High RPM sound, burned smell. There I was, frantically trying to clean and the major appliance I needed was acting up. I had to at least get the living room done, so I vacuumed in shifts. When the smell got to be too strong I would stop and let it cool down and then start again. I finally got finished with the room and immediately put it in the trunk to take to the repair shop. I've decided that my house is where appliances go when they want to die.

An hour before everyone's supposed to arrive the kitchen lights go out. We've been here for 4 1/2 flippin years and haven't had to change the fluorescent light bulbs in the kitchen once. When do they decide they have no more juice for mamma? Yep, right before my guests arrive. Did I mention my husband is awesome? He got the bulbs and replaced them in record time. Guests arrived while I was finishing putting the food out and the whole shindig was a great success! Someone actually asked if I did the food myself or if I had help. It's great for the ego when you know you've worked hard and you did it yourself.

My hubby always laughs when we have an event at the house because things get done that we've put off forever. He hung plates on the wall in the dining room and we replaced a mirror on the living room wall. I rearranged the furniture and the living room/dining room looks warm and inviting. All is right for the moment, so I was wondering who I could invite over, you know before my house gets all jacked up? So you wanna come over? I'll make some good Italian, we can drink Vodka and cranberry, maybe play some Cranium! Any takers? :-)

Coney Island

Poor Bear, the cone head. Bear is one of my three dogs. As if any dog who licks their balls, eats poop and gets humped in the side by our other male dog needs any more humiliation, he has to wear one of those cones. He had surgery today to remove a mass on his belly. They sent him home to me while he's still doped up on morphine and he's totally freaking me out.

Have you ever seen a person or animal totally hopped up on pain meds? They look through you not at you. It's kind of scary because with my dog I keep thinking he's going to suddenly go berserk on me. He keeps bumping into people and things. He's sore so he doesn't want to lay down. He just stands around, panting and bumping into stuff. It's sorta funny, but mostly sad.

Luckily the mass is benign, but when I found it I didn't know. I had that whole scenario of telling my kids the dog died and what that would be like. Boy, that can put a person in an emotional tailspin. Dropping him off this morning it was like he knew. He got into the car just fine, but when we arrived at the vet clinic, he didn't want to go in. When it was time for the helper to take him back to the kennels he pulled the old, "sorry lady, my hind legs don't work" deal. He looked at me as if to say, "please don't let them take me! I'll do anything! I'll even quit the balls licking thing, I know that really grosses you out! Pllleeaase!" I had big crocodile tears in my eyes as I drove away.




And now, as I sit here typing he's staring at me with those big, blank, drug hazed eyes. His cone is about the size of a small third world country, and he's panting, panting, panting. Not to complain or anything, well...who am I kidding, I'm a big complainer. BUT, I feel like I have enough responsibility and now this poor cone headed creature needs me and it's about all I can do not to go a little berzerk myself.

Bitchy, Achy and Crampy, Oh My!

Well men friends, avert your eyes because I'm on the rag and I'm gonna complain about it! I have to say that since my guy got snipped I've been rather annoyed with having a period. I know that it's good for my health to have a normal functioning, hormone producing body and I am grateful all my stuff works. It's just that I know I won't be having any more kids and I still have to endure the bloating, cramping, mood swings and all the other stuff associated with reproducing. I've been doing this since I was what 12? I'm sick of it already!

To add insult to injury, literally, I fell yesterday and it wasn't pretty. A sure sign of getting older is instead of laughing at your clumsiness when you fall, you find yourself laying there taking stock of all your body parts to make sure you're okay.

I'll start from the beginning. As you know I'm preparing to have a bunch of people here next Monday. I've been cleaning house, purging all sorts of stuff and taking care of things that have been neglected for quite some time. One of those things is my kitchen blinds. They're gross and need a good cleaning. So I was standing on one of the barstools that usually line my kitchen counter. Not the smartest choice since they're swiveling stools. I was on the phone, getting off the stool to rinse my rag then back up again to reach the top slats. What can I say? I was trying to multi-task. As I tried to leap off the stool to rinse my rag again, my pant leg got caught on the back of the stool and I fell like a giant oak.

The silly thing is that my first reaction was to reach for the phone to make sure my good friend was still there. She said, "What the hell happened?!?" Calmly, I replied, "Could you hold on for a second?" And there I lay, mentally taking stock of my body parts. At this time my husband had run into the room and was asking if I was okay. I just laid there, mentally saying, "I can move my legs, my hands, there doesn't seem to be any blood. Man that hurt like a sonofabitch!"

I slowly got up and proceeded to tell my friend that I just took a dive off a stool in the kitchen but I was alright. My husband walked away, shaking his head. He then went to the blinds, measured them and added their measurements to the list of things we needed to buy at Home Depot. Apparently that was enough cleaning for him.

Last night I went to bed dreaming of Vicodin. I was wishing I had a bottle left over from when Craig had knee surgery or something. I woke up with an ache over the entire left side of my body. Apparently when the giant oak fell, the left side took the brunt of the linoleum.

So here I sit, crampy, achy and quite bitchy. Those are my husband's favorite three dwarves! Lucky for him he has to live with me and my whiney self until the pain goes away! (Actually he has to live with me even when this pain goes away, but let's face it people, when you're married the pain never REALLY goes away!)

HELP!

Alright people! I need your help. I'm hosting a meeting here next Monday for military spouses. Usually there's some sort of activity or theme. I've done crafts at the skills center on base and had a fondu party, but I'm currently at a loss as to what to do. I thought we could play some kind of game or craft with a Halloween or Thanksgiving theme, but I've looked online and went to Michaels today and nothing appeals to me.

I have plenty of decor for the theme(Halloween/Fall) and I never really stress about the food, but I need something fun and clever to do. We still have the business portion of the meeting, so the activity can't take too long. So put your collective minds together and help me out!!!

Mind Blowing, Head-Banging Sex

Okay, everyone who's read my blog knows that I love and adore my husband. I don't divulge all the details of our marriage and sex life on my blog (shocking because I've divulged so much already) out of respect for our union. HOWEVER, an interesting thing happened while in the middle of one of our sexfests that I must share.

I mean I have no juicy details to share, because really I'm no porn queen and he's no Long Dong Silver. I'm average, he's average. Our pieces fit together quite nicely, thank you very much. We're a little adventurous in the bedroom, but not too crazy. Let's just say we're both pleasantly satisfied. Well, last night during a great half hour of sexercise my husband was so zealous in his...movements, that he knocked a glass candle holder off the headboard right on my head!

Fortunately for me, I already got my cookie, if you know what I mean. We were onto Craig's cookie when the unfortunate incident happened. It's a very odd feeling to go from euphoria to excruciating pain in all of 5 seconds. The thing is, I really wanted him to finish, but I also wanted to curl up in a ball and wail in pain. I wanted to scream, "The injustice! The agony! Get me some ice, you oversexed maniac!"

What actually came out of my mouth was, "Could you hurry up and finish please?" Not one of my finer moments considering he was genuinely concerned for me and kind of lost his momentum. He managed to finish and I managed not to kick him in the balls. My head wasn't bleeding or anything, I just have a little bump. And, I know we're idiots for having a glass candle holder on the headboard, but usually we're careful and it really is a nice touch to the decor in our bedroom. I guess the upside is that it wasn't lit, "Yes, Mr. Fireman, we knew it wasn't smart to have headboard-banging-sex with candles lit on the headboard. How many of my neighbors homes burned to the ground again?"

Well, I guess the candles will all come down now. I was reminded of the mishap all day because of the dull ache I possess. God forbid I forget and brush the bruised part of my cranium, I just might wail in pain still! OY, the humanity!

Colin Firth, My Shithole and the Weather

I cannot believe that I neglected to put Colin "I love you just the way you are" Firth on my list!!! How could you all let me forget Colin??!?!?





Anyway, I haven't been blogging much lately because I was neglecting my house and chores. My motivation has failed me lately. I abhor housework, resent it really. I feel like it's never done, so why bust my ass every day? Well, I can't take it anymore. My house is a hell hole and I have to get busy!!





I've been going through some stuff in a storage room downstairs. I feel like I have serious ADD because every time I think I'm making leeway at paring stuff down, I get sidetracked by a picture, letter or keepsake. I think because I'm the youngest of so many kids and I could pack my childhood up in a small file box, I tend to hang on to EVERYTHING! So the cleaning of this pit is slow going. I wish I had a team of organizers to help me around here.

I volunteered to host a meeting here October 17th. That's the shot in the arm I need to get this place sparkling! Wish me luck.

BTW, it's currently 37 degrees here and we're expecting snow for tonight. At this rate, it's going to be a long, long winter. If you could just say a little prayer to the weather god and ask for him to let up on us a bit, I'd sure appreciate it! Thanks.