Mind Blowing, Head-Banging Sex
Okay, everyone who's read my blog knows that I love and adore my husband. I don't divulge all the details of our marriage and sex life on my blog (shocking because I've divulged so much already) out of respect for our union. HOWEVER, an interesting thing happened while in the middle of one of our sexfests that I must share.
I mean I have no juicy details to share, because really I'm no porn queen and he's no Long Dong Silver. I'm average, he's average. Our pieces fit together quite nicely, thank you very much. We're a little adventurous in the bedroom, but not too crazy. Let's just say we're both pleasantly satisfied. Well, last night during a great half hour of sexercise my husband was so zealous in his...movements, that he knocked a glass candle holder off the headboard right on my head!
Fortunately for me, I already got my cookie, if you know what I mean. We were onto Craig's cookie when the unfortunate incident happened. It's a very odd feeling to go from euphoria to excruciating pain in all of 5 seconds. The thing is, I really wanted him to finish, but I also wanted to curl up in a ball and wail in pain. I wanted to scream, "The injustice! The agony! Get me some ice, you oversexed maniac!"
What actually came out of my mouth was, "Could you hurry up and finish please?" Not one of my finer moments considering he was genuinely concerned for me and kind of lost his momentum. He managed to finish and I managed not to kick him in the balls. My head wasn't bleeding or anything, I just have a little bump. And, I know we're idiots for having a glass candle holder on the headboard, but usually we're careful and it really is a nice touch to the decor in our bedroom. I guess the upside is that it wasn't lit, "Yes, Mr. Fireman, we knew it wasn't smart to have headboard-banging-sex with candles lit on the headboard. How many of my neighbors homes burned to the ground again?"
Well, I guess the candles will all come down now. I was reminded of the mishap all day because of the dull ache I possess. God forbid I forget and brush the bruised part of my cranium, I just might wail in pain still! OY, the humanity!
posted by WarriorM @ 1:09 PM
13 Comments:
At 2:52 PM,
John Q. Public esq. said…
Funny something much like that happened to us, however it was not a glass candle holder, it was being repeatedly thrust into the head board that knocked my sweet and loving wife out… thus we removed the head board, problem solved, it has been said that I am a bit to eager and energetic for many.
JQP esq.
At 3:13 PM,
WarriorM said…
AH! Love and marriage! Who said married people hardly have sex? It looks like between the two of us, there's some pretty awesome, high octane action happening!
At 4:51 PM,
kjane said…
LOL oh Mary...I laughed so hard as I read that I had to share with my roommate. I hope your head heals fast. Take the Saucy Monk's advice and put a steak on it.
- spart
At 5:30 PM,
Mouthy Girl said…
Holy Fuck, Batman! I SO needed to laugh tonight! You're a gem, Mary...a trooper. I think the whole, "Could you hurry up and finish, please?" was more than pleasant. Any man who can retain an erection of any sort after his chick's been bonked in the head by a candle holder is a good man. Have at it, Craig!
At 7:40 PM,
WarriorM said…
Spart, Was that "put a steak on it" remark a thumbs up to get back on horse (so to speak)? ;-)
I'm so glad we all had a good laugh about this, but more importantly I'm so glad I got my cookie before getting whacked!
At 9:59 PM,
Rosie said…
Mary...I can't wait to tell Greg this story. I'm laughing my ass off as I type. Oooops...I'm trying to "hurry up and finish" and can't typ fpthe ;affomg/ Which is code for.. Can't type for the laughing!!! You two are the most accident prone people I know. OMG!!!
At 7:17 AM,
ACG said…
Reminds me of when I kicked a lit candle off the coffee table and across the living room in the middle of a romp. Then again... we had been playing with the wax
;-)
At 11:43 AM,
Jay said…
The highlight of my day was when you referred to it as "cookie".
At 5:56 PM,
Rosie said…
Hey Craig, I know that Alec Baldwin said it...does that get me points? A prize? Anything? BTW, I hear through the blog-vine that you (Craig) aren't too forthcoming with the proper amounts of sympathy for Mary. She has a BUMP...on her head! Come on big guy...what's up with that? I think she's due some TLC.
BTW, Greg actually chuckled out loud when he read about your adventures. Today, Amy called me at work laughing about it. You two have made quite an impression.
At 2:21 PM,
Myssa said…
Hehehe. I have a rather large "log" bed -- so the headboard and footboard, when up against a wall, typically make a good "holder" for the "mid-romp" beverages (gatorade or water...)
One night, I had just finished a can of soda and placed it up on the headboard, as things had started to progress from just watching a movie in bed to...well...cookie-time...My boyfriend went to go under the sheets and about the time that he was ready to uhm put the roll of cookiedough in the oven...apparantly one of us jerked enough that it caused the can to fall on my head, and spill some ice water that was sitting next to it. I started laughing...hard...The poor unsuspecting guy thought that I was laughing at him and we could not finish baking the cookies because I couldn't stop laughing long enough to explain it.
At 11:36 AM,
Leesa said…
Great story :)
At 2:19 PM,
John Burzynski said…
My wife and I have fallen out of bed before but never had anything fall on us while doin the deed.
Funny story. If the fire story had been true, you probably would have made the national, or at least your local, news. Try splainin' that to the kids...
At 2:05 PM,
Trudy Booty Scooty said…
LMAO! How the heck did I miss THIS post? Jeeeeeeez! Thank goodness the candle holder wasn't full of hot melted wax! Although...."wax play" might become a whole new chapter! (eg)
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