Bitchy, Achy and Crampy, Oh My!

Well men friends, avert your eyes because I'm on the rag and I'm gonna complain about it! I have to say that since my guy got snipped I've been rather annoyed with having a period. I know that it's good for my health to have a normal functioning, hormone producing body and I am grateful all my stuff works. It's just that I know I won't be having any more kids and I still have to endure the bloating, cramping, mood swings and all the other stuff associated with reproducing. I've been doing this since I was what 12? I'm sick of it already!

To add insult to injury, literally, I fell yesterday and it wasn't pretty. A sure sign of getting older is instead of laughing at your clumsiness when you fall, you find yourself laying there taking stock of all your body parts to make sure you're okay.

I'll start from the beginning. As you know I'm preparing to have a bunch of people here next Monday. I've been cleaning house, purging all sorts of stuff and taking care of things that have been neglected for quite some time. One of those things is my kitchen blinds. They're gross and need a good cleaning. So I was standing on one of the barstools that usually line my kitchen counter. Not the smartest choice since they're swiveling stools. I was on the phone, getting off the stool to rinse my rag then back up again to reach the top slats. What can I say? I was trying to multi-task. As I tried to leap off the stool to rinse my rag again, my pant leg got caught on the back of the stool and I fell like a giant oak.

The silly thing is that my first reaction was to reach for the phone to make sure my good friend was still there. She said, "What the hell happened?!?" Calmly, I replied, "Could you hold on for a second?" And there I lay, mentally taking stock of my body parts. At this time my husband had run into the room and was asking if I was okay. I just laid there, mentally saying, "I can move my legs, my hands, there doesn't seem to be any blood. Man that hurt like a sonofabitch!"

I slowly got up and proceeded to tell my friend that I just took a dive off a stool in the kitchen but I was alright. My husband walked away, shaking his head. He then went to the blinds, measured them and added their measurements to the list of things we needed to buy at Home Depot. Apparently that was enough cleaning for him.

Last night I went to bed dreaming of Vicodin. I was wishing I had a bottle left over from when Craig had knee surgery or something. I woke up with an ache over the entire left side of my body. Apparently when the giant oak fell, the left side took the brunt of the linoleum.

So here I sit, crampy, achy and quite bitchy. Those are my husband's favorite three dwarves! Lucky for him he has to live with me and my whiney self until the pain goes away! (Actually he has to live with me even when this pain goes away, but let's face it people, when you're married the pain never REALLY goes away!)