Being Busy, Carroll Football and Memories

So I haven't blogged much lately because I've been doing the baking, decorating, shopping, mailing, and Christmas-card writing thing. It's all so exhausting. Traveling next week has encouraged me to get a lot of stuff done early, so that's good. Usually cards would've waited, but they're almost all done. I also started knitting scarves for Craig's nieces. He thinks I'm insane to start a project this late, but that's how I operate. I do well under pressure.

In other news I have an editor's note from my last post. Carroll is playing for its fourth straight NAIA championship, not fifth. At this blog we strive for accuracy in reporting the facts! The game's this Saturday, so I will be doing a football win dance as I attend a Christmas bowling party with my kids. The dance is much like an Indian rain dance, but there's beer drinking and booty shaking involved.

So, I've been sort of bi-polar in a sense lately. I get giddy with excitement for Christmas because of the kids. Their joy and anticipation is so contagious! I also realize that although I complain about how busy they keep me with all of their activities and such, I love this time in our lives because I realize how short it is and that we are making many happy memories! I love that we're starting our own traditions and that our five person family is its own entity; not my family, not his family, but OUR family. But, the flip side is, as many of you can relate, the holidays can be depressing. I find myself thinking about my mom and brother. They've both passed in the last two years. The holidays are tough without them.

Lately, I've also started to reminisce about Christmas' past. You know when you're a kid; you kind of always think that things are going to be that way forever. When I was a kid, we all were together at my parent’s house. Christmas Eve was an open buffet of food, food, food. All of the Christmas baking was out. The house smelled of anise and something else you can only equate to home. We would all go to church and then back to mom's to eat. We would sing Happy Birthday to Jesus and one of the grandkids would put baby Jesus in the Nativity scene. For many years we opened presents that night. Bows, boxes and wrapping would seem to explode all over the house. More often than not, my mom would beg "the girls" to sing some of her favorites. She almost always got her way. We'd turn around and have a big feast for Christmas dinner. She loved to make a big fancy dinner with escargot as the opening course. All of us would be wearing a Christmas present; a sweater, slippers, or sporting something that we received and might not wear ever again. The kids would have their favorite toy in hand (this may or may not end up breaking before the night was over)! We'd laugh a lot, eat a lot, sing and someone would end up in a fight and/or tears!

As years passed and our family multiplied these events became more and more chaotic. It started to get harder and harder to get us all together. Mom and Dad were getting too old to do everything at their house. No one else had the space for our huge clan. We might all meet at church and then have dessert at someone's house. After awhile just the singles got together for the fancy dinner's at moms. One year dad emailed all of us a course to prepare from Sunset magazine. That was interesting! That was the year my brother brought some skank girlfriend to dinner. She ended up laying next to him on the floor of the family room after the meal and dry-humped his leg in front of God and everyone. I wanted to shoot her on the spot. He said it was because she was European, I say it was because she was a classless ho!

But I digress! I guess it's hard getting older when you realize things will never be that way again. My dad sold that big house on Mandan road this year. My mom is gone, Jonny's gone. My kids will never be a part of all of that insanity. They'll never know what it's like to have my mom beg them to perform! I certainly won't be making escargot for Christmas dinner any time soon. Everyone's doing their own thing, which is good in many ways. Geez, I don't even go to church any more. I find myself feeling sad, melancholy and just missing. And then there are my three boys. Those beasties don't give me long to wallow. They throw questions at me like, "how does Santa bring presents to kids with no chimney?" CJ said, "Will you sing that Let it Snow song? I just love that song!" Now how can you sing, "Oh the weather outside is frightful..." and be sad? You can't. I guess I need to just be thankful for the yin and yang. How can you relish in all the joy without knowing that deep down sadness?