I'm old

So I partied with some Canadian chicks this weekend and a discovered a few things:

1) I'm too old to drink that many kinds of alcohol in one night. (A shooter called a "red-headed slut" is not as tasty as you'd think.)

2) Kids are not conducive to laying in the fetal position during a hangover.

3) I'm a jealous wife.

4) No matter what I'm doing or how old I get, when I party like a rock star I always end up with blisters on my feet. What's up with that?

5) Men in bars are bigger assholes than I remember.

6) Chicks in bars put up with more bullshit than they should.

7) People are motivated by sex more now than ever.

8) The definition of virgin is a bit skewed since the Clinton administration.

9) I must have the kind of face that says, "please tell me your sad, sad tale." I always listen and act totally enthralled when in actuality in my mind I'm stabbing the person in the eye with the paper umbrella in my drink."

10) In college, a night of binge drinking always ended up with the bodily fluids flowing, you know, fighting, crying, and usually disappointing sexual experiences. Not much has changed in that department.