Mary, Mary why ya buggin'?

Ringing in The new year!

2007-03-05T14:07:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know we just started the 3rd month of the year and I haven't posted once in '07. So here I am ringing in the New Year....BBBRRRIIING!!!

With the New Year came my 35th birthday. I don't spend time worrying about my age or getting older, but when I say I'm 35 I kind of take pause because I have no idea what happened. It's like I have some sort of brain injury because there's nothing in me that responds to 35! One of the things that occur to me is that when my mother was 35 she was having her 8th child and sporting a nice bouffant hairdo. When I look at pictures of her she seems so old and I'm not like that in the least. I'm young and hip and have never in my life even considered a bouffant (not to mention the 8 kids...holy crap!).

Anyway, like I said it isn't as though I'm rocking myself in a corner about being 35, I just don't know how time has managed to elapse quite so fast. Now, even saying that makes me sound old, and I'm not by the way...I'm young and hip remember. All this stuff in the media about thirty being the new twenty and so on just kind of pisses me off. It doesn't make sense it's like someone saying pink is the new black. What the fuck people?!?!? Besides, I wouldn't want to relive my early twenties for nothing. I was unhappy and doing things that make me cringe now. If my thirties are going to be like my twenties, let me just skip ahead to forty please! The best thing is that I have pretty good genes, the chicks in my family age pretty well (especially if we stay away from the bouffant, I mean with a good cut and some dye- watch out!).

I'm Not Dead...Just Chillin'

2006-11-20T23:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I can't say that I've been "chillin'" really because that makes me sound too cool, which we know I'm not. Also, I now live on the Central Coast of California and went to the beach last Friday to picnic with my family. Yes...you heard me...the beach...in November! Definately NOT chillin'!

Considering how frigid it starts to get in Montana this time of year, I do thank my lucky stars we've relocated. I'm still a little flustered that they sell winter parkas and boots around here. Seriously, I think the coldest it gets in the middle of the night is 40 degrees. Parkas? Really? I have missed the leaves changing in Montana. Fall was one of my favorite seasons there if you can call 4 weeks a season.

Anyway, I'm still adjusting to the change in locale. Although there have been so many awesome things about moving here, the feeling of displacement is tough. I was reading a post by JQP the other day and can relate since he's going through the same thing. It's hard when you establish some roots to feel so out of sorts. I really like it here, but I always feel like I'm a little lost. I know that's part of why I've not been very good at posting. I have no set routine or rhythm to my life here yet. I'll get there though, I have all the faith in the world that I will.

I'm headed up to Sonoma for Thanksgiving. My clan is joining my brother and all of his in-laws for the holiday. I have to admit there's a bit of apprehension on my part. I'll kind of be the outsider. I hate that at 34 I can still be so damn insecure. What the hell??!? I keep thinking of all the things I can bring to boost my ego and they're all food items. I feel pretty confident in the kitchen, so I suppose I feel that if I ply everyone with zucchini bread, spiced nuts and cranberry puff pastry bites, I'll be beloved! I know...skewed thinking, what can I say? I'm Italian; my life usually revolves around the next meal.

I hope all of my friends out in Blogger Land have a safe and grateful holiday! XO

Studio 60 Ate My Blog

2006-09-27T14:57:00.000-07:00

All I can say is that posting has been low on the priority list. I couldn't tell you what has been high on the priority list, but I've been too consumed with everyday life that I haven't posted in what seems like forever.I tried to post a couple of times, but I decided I was too boring for words and the world of blogs was better off with no post at all. So I'm now sitting here in my office (still full of boxes) and I'm bummed I haven't taken the time to post because it's something I actually enjoy doing. So here I am...back at it for now.

Since my last post we've got some exciting news...my dad and the gold digger broke up! Just when I thought I couldn’t take any more, he surprises us all. He actually called her a manipulative bitch, which totally threw me for a loop considering he wanted his kids to "love her, just love her because she's sooooo good to me. I think we'll get married in full Indian dress at the Gates of the Mountain!" WHA?????? So suffice it to say, I'm tickled the man finally saw her for what she was.

In other news Craig and I sprung for DirecTV with the whole DVR thing and now I'm not sure how I survived without it. For those of you that may not know a DVR is just like TiVo. You can record your favorite programs and watch them at your convenience. This has been incredible considering I no longer have to suffer through trying to fix dinner, help with homework and catch glimpses of Oprah. Also I don't have to stay up late to watch my new all time favorite show Studio 60.

If you haven't watched this little gem of television writing, than please give it a try. The pace is fast, the writing is smart and incredibly funny and the cast is to die for. I have to admit I was a little worried about seeing Chandler Bing as a comedy writer. Who knew Matthew Perry was so multi faceted? Sarah Paulson is also a HUGE find because she is stellar in the "sketches" from the SNLesque show that's being written about in the series, and she also handles the dramatic story line with aplomb. I just love this new show!!!!! I can't say enough about how fabulous it is. And if stupid NBC takes it off the air because it only got 10 million viewers instead of 50 gabillion, I'm going to be royally pissed off!

So there you have it, DirecTV, my new DVR and Studio 60 is to blame for why I haven't blogged in so damn long. All that and I just might be in a total funk. I'm not sure why, maybe since the move I just haven't found my groove, I just need to get it in gear, so I'm starting with this post.

My Blog's About to File Papers

2006-08-27T12:44:00.000-07:00

I should sleep on the couch or maybe in the dog house! I forgot my own anniversary. No, not my wedding anniversary, that was in July and we hit double digits, thank you very much! My blog anniversary was the 19th and I blew it off! Life has been full, interesting and busy since we've moved.

My big excuse for not blogging is that of all the rooms in the house, the office has been the most neglected. I am currently writing at a cramped computer desk, trying to balance the laptop alongside my desktop which is no longer in service. The desk top will be going to the computer gravyard soon. We discovered that after we established that there was nothing wrong with our newly installed internet connection. The wireless modem also screwed the pooch and thus here I write at this pathetic desk, trying not to freak out about the boxes still piled behind me and the pictures that still aren't hung stacked next to me.

So, I had no fan fare, cake or even a pity party to celebrate the existence of my pathetic little blog site. I just forgot completely and was probably running around here like the insane person I am, trying to prepare my kids for their first day of school.

They started school the 23rd. The day came just in time. They were getting a little nuts and I was not thrilled with the mantra, "but I'm bored, there's nothing to do!" Yeah, they say those things as I'm ass-deep in boxes and packing, trying to find places to put things I forgot I even had. "I'm not your frickin' entertainment!" I yell back, much to no avail; at which time my smarmy husband comes back with, "yeah, but your mine baby! Wanna go back to the room and...?"

Of course I feel about as sexy as... I don't know whatever's totally not sexy. I've put on about 15 pounds this past year. I'm clearly not one of those gals who loses weight under stress. No, stress gives me the craving for a Big Mac and some chocolate cake. Craig, my stallion, has no change in his libido for me in my current state of cowdom, which is so awesome, but I gotta do something about how I feel about myself.

So there it is folks, I'm still here. I'm still unpacking, I'm excited about having a routine with the beasties back in school, I'm a cow, but I'm ready to get back on the treadmill, both literally and figuratively. I'll try to check in and get better about this blog thing, but there are no guarantees until this office turns into something other that the current pile of shit that it is.

The Mary has Landed!

2006-07-24T16:30:00.000-07:00

It's official...I'm a Californian! I'm writing in the middle of a sea of boxes. I've managed to capture a few moments to myself while my boys are next door on the slip-n-slide with the new neighbor boys (they're in heaven)! Aside from all of the unpacking I have to do, things are great. I've already had my sister and niece visit, which was awesome. That's the perks of living closer to family and oh how I've missed it.

The base housing here was built in 1958, so I feel kind of like I'm in the ghetto, but we're making the most of it. The yard is big and the weather has been pleasant, so I won't complain (oh, who am I kidding, I'll complain, just not yet)! Hubby's schedule has been pretty low key since we've been here, so it's been nice to be able to work on the house together. It won't feel normal until the kids start back to school. Our schedule has been really chaotic, so I won't get the gist of life on base until we have a little structure.

I've missed blogging and keeping in touch with the world outside of my own little circle. Sometimes I feel so completely out of touch because we don't get a newspaper yet, just got cable and internet hooked up. I feel like a clueless wonder these days. I can't really discuss current events because I don't know what's current.

Anyway, it's good to have a home once again. If you can believe it I live on a street that rhymes with my name. Any guesses?

Helena 59601

2006-07-01T15:18:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! I'm still in transition. I had a quick second to post as I'm at my dad's place in Helena to take a shower and do a load of laundry. We are officially homeless. Right now we're living out of our 5th wheel trailer and lovin it!

We traveled to Idaho to root for my stud brother the IRONMAN! He did so awesome in his race, I'm so very proud of him. He completed the 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike and 26.2 mile run in 13 and half hours. He inspires me and makes me try harder to be a better person! BTW, I really like Idaho...at least the pan handle; WOW, what a beautiful part of the country!!

We traveled back here to Montana to celebrate my dads birthday and to do a bit of camping before saying good-bye to our friends and heading to Cali. We leave the 5th for our new home. After the events of the last few days with my dad and the skank he's chosen as his "lady friend", the move out of here couldn't come soon enough. I don't have time for the details, let me just say that another woman, Cialis and an intervention were involved. After this the dynamic of the family may just be changed forever!

It's times like these when I'm more in love with my husband and thank my lucky stars we've created a family all our own. I love my life...my REAL life.

She Ain't Nothin' But A Gold Digger...

2006-06-16T10:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my day to deal with stupid people. First I had to contend with the moron at the t-shirt store. Then I was lucky enough to speak with the slowest talker on the planet at QWest. I never thought that trying to cancel service would be so fricken difficult.

Today, I said good-bye to my man and my three dogs. Nothing like that to make a girl feel blue. Craig's taking the hounds down to California to stay with my brother for the next couple of weeks. That way we don't have to worry about them while we're packing the house and going on leave. Also, he's leaving our van and flying back so that when we make the trip down we'll be in one vehicle. He's a gem for going through all this trouble, especially after how crazy busy we've been. I pick him up Sunday evening at the airport. My eldest said he misses him already!

This will probably be my last post until I get settled. I have feeling I'll have a lot to report between the move, our trip to Idaho and my dad's 75th birthday. I'm really getting worried about the birthday shindig. My dad has this new girlfriend that he wants all of us to "just love". He doesn't understand that although we want him to be happy, we don't want or need to have a relationship with his girlfriend.

The corker is that he was married to our mother for 50 years. Mom was a classy lady, very classy. She was the backbone and rock of our big family. All of the important life lessons we learned from her. Dad was a pilot and gone all the time. He's also from the generation that was not very hands-on when it came to parenting. He doesn't know his kids very well, subsequently. Mom's loss was difficult on all of us. We've had to redefine our relationship with dad since mom's no longer around to be the buffer. Now that he has a girlfriend 20 years younger than he is (only 2 years older than my sister), and he's "happier than he's ever been", he doesn't understand why we're having a hard time.

I have been an advocate for him and I've tried to encourage my siblings to accept that he's been lonely and it's good that he's found a companion. That was until he went down to California for my niece’s graduation and had the girlfriend fly down. The idea was that she would "help him drive back to Montana". This kind of surprised me since he's driven down and back several times by himself. Then I just thought he wanted my sibs to meet her, but I thought that it was a little insensitive since they've told him that they're not comfortable with the idea of him so serious with someone.

Come to find out, she came down to pick up his other car. He has a Toyota Prius and a Chrysler Crossfire. Why does a 75 year old man need two cars? He doesn't. He wanted them both and can afford them, so why not? Whatever. Well, they picked up the car so SHE would have something to drive in Helena. Does this recent development make me think she's a gold-digger? YES!

They've known each other for maybe 2 years. He started dating her last fall, even called me to ask how I felt about it. Before I had a chance to answer him, he broke things off. Apparently they had some sort of miscommunication and they broke it off. When I asked about her he said, "Oh fuck her". This spring he came back to Montana after spending the winter in California. He was home for less than a month when he went away with her to a resort for the weekend. He's asked her to come to Idaho for my brothers Ironman and invited her to Hawaii. Now he's giving her a car.

They've been together for 2 months. What are his kids supposed to think? She's had a rough life and doesn't have a lot. She works as a house painter; scrapping and painting houses, businesses and decks. It's a bit suspicious to me to have a 54 year old woman with a 75 year old man. His only hobby is vodka, so I wonder what she sees in him. He's in pretty good shape and not bad looking, for 75, but come on! The only explanation I can come up with is that she's using him for what he can give her and it aint the tube steak boogie.

Am I being too cynical? I could give a rat’s ass about my inheritance, unlike some sibs, but I worry that she's taking advantage of his loneliness and vulnerable emotions to get stuff from him. The fact that he's so gung-ho on all of us liking and accepting her concerns me about his attachment to her. So what do you think? Is she a gold-digger? Should we be worried about our dad?

Tool of the gods!

2006-06-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

Ask and you shall receive! On a whim I asked for a labeler while I was cleaning and organizing and my husband came home with one an hour later! Is it possible to fall in love with an electronic device? (WOW, that was a loaded question!)

Anyway, I absolutely love this damn thing! Does that make me anal retentive?

2006-06-07T19:27:00.000-07:00

So I came upon a blog about doing 101 things in 1001 days. I think it's pretty exciting to make a list of things that you aim to do and give yourself a time limit in which to do them. I wouldn't want to put major life goals on my list, I'm pretty confident in that arena, but I'd put things like books I'd like to read, movies I'd like to see, places I'd like to travel, etc on my list. I can't get too lofty because sometimes I'm just trying to get through each day without putting myself or my kids in therapy.

Let's see here are some things I'd like to do in the next year:

1. Update my blog
2. Read five novels off of the Random House 100 best novels list
3. Get another tattoo
4. Lose 10 pounds
5. Go to a film festival
6. Learn a language (Italian or French)
7. Organize all of my photos
8. Try a new food/cuisine
9. Volunteer at a place other than my kids' school
10. Go on a trip with my sister(s)

Do you have any pressing items that would be on your "must do this year" list?

Halleluiah!

2006-06-02T22:36:00.000-07:00

Hey people, June is here!!!! Guess what? School's out and we'll be moving in 20 more days!!!!! This is when you imagine Mary jumping around clicking her heals! :-)

The big, BIG news is that today is my love's birthday! Craig is 36 today and boy am I glad I found him! I mean God made him just for me, so it's a relief that I nabbed him. Seriously, I'm eternally grateful for Craig. He makes me a better person; he seems to always bring out the best in me. Behind his whacky sense of humor and smart ass demeanor, lies a genuinely good, good man! Not only that, but the man is phenomenal in the sack! So wish him a happy b-day, would ya!?

We celebrated with friends tonight. I can purchase meat trays like nobody's business! You can't believe how easy it is to throw a party when you don't have to do any of the cooking. I ordered everything and it was the best money I ever spent. First of all I didn't have to fire up the oven and heat up the house(it was a whopping 85 today!), and I didn't have to slave my life away in the kitchen. Fabulous!

I had a little Home Depot theme and used hard hats as a center piece. I also bought those orange Home Depot buckets and filled them with ice and beer. Clever huh! Anyway, we had a nice time. I got water guns and sidewalk chalk for all the kids and they had a ball! All in all, the night was a great success. I didn't embarrass myself or Craig even once.

Guilty as Charged!

2006-05-29T19:48:00.000-07:00

I feel like a schmuck for not blogging in a more consistent manner and yet, a good description of me would be to say that I'm consistently inconsistent.I don't even want to try to give an update of my crazy life right now. We're just in the midst of transition and I know you all know what that's like. I've missed some sort of normal routine that I had with blogging and my life in general, but I also kind of like being in the middle of change.

So instead of an update I want to share some of my current guilty pleasures and then I want to hear about yours. A little tit for tat, so to speak! :-)

Mary's guilty pleasures:

1) Oreos- I love food, good food. I love to cook and enjoy fresh baked goods like the next guy, but there's just something about an Oreo that makes me happy. I can never eat just one; I need a few to get my fix. They satisfy the kid in me that needs the comfort of an Oreo and its creamy, white goodness in between those two delectable chocolate cookies! Mmmmm!

2) Vampire romance novels- I could give a shit if you're judging me right now! These books are pages full of unadulterated fun. Also, they get me randy and my husband appreciates the play he receives after I read one of those suckers!

3) Vodka/cranberry with a lime wedge- This drink is so fucking delicious it should be illegal! I so enjoy the tart of the lime and fruity smack of the cranberry. After about 2 when I have that cool buzz hanging on I just want that moment to last. Unfortunately I always screw that buzz up by having more and then I say or do something to make a complete ass out of myself! But for a brief shining moment all is right with the world.

My list could go on, but I don't want to reveal too much! *wink* Now it's your turn to get back in touch with me and reveal your guilty pleasures as of late. Let me in on some dirt people!!!

Like sands through the hourglass...

2006-05-15T14:58:00.000-07:00

I lost my last post, which is a bummer because I blog so infrequently now. Life seems to be just too busy these days. I long for the days when I wrote about getting concussed while having wild sex with my husband! Luckily, I still have time for wild sex with my husband (candle holders have been permanently removed from the headboard, thanks for the concern), but no time to blog about it.

My latest escapade was taking all three of my dogs to the groomers. Jake, the wanderer decides to take off in the strip mall parking lot where the pet store is. Like a complete maniac I'm chasing after him, trying to entice him back to me with a piece of bratwurst I snagged from the fridge right before leaving home.

Since the parking lot is full of smells of all the other creatures that shop at Petco, Jake was too intrigued to come after the brat. I went back to the car to check on the other two dogs and my poor 3 year old who were all waiting patiently for my return, and then ran back to the strip mall when Jake decided to check out the crafts at Michaels. The damn dog had me sweating and running all over the place calling, "come here, Jake" in that sweet sing song voice, when what I wanted to do was to yell at him and make him into dog stew! I looked like a complete idiot, but I finally nabbed him in the scrapbook section and got him leashed.

I still had to drop him off and go get the other two and my son. By the time the whole ordeal was over, I felt like I completed my cardio for the week! I swear, it's a wonder I'm not an alcoholic! Sometimes the idea of being chemically dependent seems like such a great idea.

We're under contract with the house which is a HUGE relief!!! It aint over, though until the fat lady sings, or until Escrow closes, whichever comes first. Last week I had the elation of being able to accept the offer with the sorrow of my uncles passing. I went to Helena to be with my dad. He and his brother had become quite close in the last couple of years, so this was especially hard for him.

Along with dealing with all of those issues, my dad decides to spring his new girlfriend on the family and basically brings one of my sisters to tears with "I had the best weekend of my life!" Now considering he was married to our mother for 50 years and he had nine children, don't you think he may have been a little insensitive with the gushing? My sister thought so. She has had a difficult time dealing with my mother's passing, so the fact that he's not just "dating" but pretty hot and heavy with this "ho" has her reeling.

...and so are the days of our lives. The saga never ends. Maybe, I'll be able to post again soon on the uncle-dying-dad's-an-insensitive-bastard-with-a-new-ho-sisters-a-basket-case tale! Wouldn't that be fun?

FYI...I'm not dead

2006-05-08T18:30:00.000-07:00

Just so you know I haven't fallen off of the face of the earth. Life being what it is has kept me incredibly busy. The house is officially on the market and we've been showing it for a week. We entertained one offer that wasn't great, but the corker was that the buyer wanted us out on the 31st and that was just way too soon for us. Right now I'm just busy keeping the house as neat as possible with three grubby boys and running around like mad with all of their activities. A few weeks back Craig and I ran in the Ice Breaker 3 mile road race which was a great experience! We also had a garage sale which was very successful.

In the mean time I was able to go through so much stuff. Almost ten years of accumulation was pared down over the past few weeks. It feels awesome to purge so much crap! The great thing about going through boxes you haven't looked at in years is finding treasured memories. I found a box of letters I'd saved and found some real gems! My favorites are the ones I found from my mom and brother who both died in the last couple of years. To read something that they wrote long hand and to hear their voice in your head after missing them these past few years really made me so happy that I'm a pack rat!!

Of course, I also read letters Craig wrote while he was out of the country during our engagement. He was so good about writing each and every day. He never left out how much he loved me and couldn't wait until we were married. Unfortunately, when you write each day, you do have a tendency to run out of things to say. So as I was reading several of these letters I had to laugh at the detail in which he wrote about the mess hall and how he meticulously described his meals.My trip down memory lane made all the pain in the ass of going through so much crap worth it. I'm ready to have some quiet time now. I just really want to sell this house, go into Escrow and veg out for the next few weeks. I miss blogging and checking out all of my favorite blogs, but you all know how it goes. Sometimes you're just too damn busy for even your favorite things.

In all of the craziness I also decided to have a Cinco de Mayo party. I'm not sure what kind of crack I was smoking because I was trying to prepare homemade Mexican food while leaving the house periodically to show it. We did have a ball and many margaritas were consumed. Craig apparently needed to blow off some steam because he kept pouring us shots of tequila which I, of course couldn't turn down. In spite of all the shots, we stayed up to get the house show ready and cleaned up all of the evidence of the reverie. The rest of the weekend was blessedly quiet. The first quiet weekend in quite some time. It was a welcomed change to our frantic pace.

For Sale!

2006-04-21T15:31:00.000-07:00

So...uh..anyone know someone lookin' for a house? I've got one, and I need to unload it ASAP. Seriously, the house officially goes on the market May 1st. Right now Craig and I are frantically organizing, cleaning, purging and repairing. You know that 6 inch piece of baseboard you keep saying you'll fix? We're doing that? You know how you always said you were going to clean out that picture bin and organize your photos? We're doing that. You know all of that crap you've been holding on to for that past several years, that you have no place for? We're getting rid of ALL of it!

The garage sale is next weekend and I think half the contents of my house are going? As soon as the sale is over, we have a cleaning crew coming in to shampoo carpets, wash windows, clean walls and ceilings and cabinets. You know washing windows, walls and ceilings is a bitch when you're 5 feet 2 inches! I'm thrilled all of this stuff is getting done, but it's a pain in the butt! I still have kids with school activities, baseball and cub scouts going on. Those little buggers expect you to be at everything and watch their every move you know! I'm not complaining, really. I know the time is coming where they'll be too embarrassed to be seen in public with me. I'll watch every fly ball caught and badge dolled out for as long as I can. I'm just worn out people!

Right now I just long to be outside, enjoying the sun, on my chaise lounge with a good book and some iced tea. From now until the end of summer we'll be moving at mach 10, so if I don't keep up with the blog or all I do is bitch when I do blog, you can understand. Any who, if you know anyone relocating to Great Falls, Montana who needs a kid-friendly house, just let me know.

Being Healthy Sucks!

2006-04-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

This is what I want This is what I'm having

My beloved and I decide that we want to do a whole body cleansing to spring clean our bodies, so to speak. We wanted to jump start our healthy eating and preparing for our re commitment to exercise, we thought it would be great! I HATE IT!!!

I haven't had sugar all week and it's awful!!! I know I must sound a bit nutty, but I just came off of my son's birthday week where we indulged in two different cakes and brownies! Also, my wonderful, loving and generous sister sent a box of Easter candy that we all immediately gobbled down. So, I'm seriously in sugar detox and I've had a headache all week. Not to mention that when you're consuming nothing but fruit, vegetables with some chicken breast and fish thrown in, you're bloated like a son-of-a-bitch!

To sum up, I'm hungry, headachy, and flatulent!! This cleansing thing is awesome! The thing that's floored me this week is that some people actually live this way ALL the time. How, I will never know. I don't have a horrible diet, but I do enjoy food. Right now I'm just missing some basics like, oh eggs. Yea, I can't eat eggs on this cleansing thing, or any dairy for that matter. Sucky damn healthy living!!

So get this, I'm having my dad for Easter Sunday and we're having Prime Fucking Rib! I've been off red meat all Lent and now this cleansing thing, so I've suffered enough, damn it! I'll probably blow all of my healthy progress this week with one meal, but at this point I don't care. Have a wonderful Easter/Passover my friends!

Where I've been and other random crap

2006-04-10T19:43:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm back. I was out of town with my dad for a few days. His brother is terminally ill and he was admitted to the hospital for evaluation. He was staying with my dad, but after this hospital visit, he'll be admitted to an assisted living facility. He has a tremendous amount of apprehension about going to this place. He asked my dad what the difference was between this place and an "old folks home".

He's being brave in the face of all that scares him. I never knew him very well. We always lived out of state. My dad's family seemed a little weird to us kids. We were raised knowing my mom's big, loud Italian clan. They're all fairly close-knit and constantly in each other's business.

My dad's family is an enigma. His dad died when my dad was quite young around 4. My grandmother remarried and then the step-father died when dad was 12 or so and then she died when he was 18. My dad was the youngest and I think after his mom died all the kids kind of scattered to the wind. Most all of the kids in that family suffer with alcohol addiction, so when we saw them their behavior was erratic; not exactly ideal for building relationships.

Anyway, we were never close to dad's family. My uncle "Red" was married and had 3 kids. The drinking and carousing caused that marriage to end and his kids all moved away from Montana. Now they've come back to help their dad, but you don't get the impression that they're close with him. They're doing what they're supposed to and it makes me kind of sad. If anything I'm reminded of the great influence I have on my own children. Those bonds can be so fragile.

Craig did so awesome with the kids while I was away. He's an incredible dad and is so supportive of me! I'm one lucky duck. It was nice to let the boys miss me. They were all glad to see me when I returned which can make a girl feel pretty special! I was glad I was able to be with my dad to lend some support and I was glad my guys did so well in my absence.

I have a couple of things (TOTALLY off the subject) to ask advice over:

1) how do you feel about those herbal cleansings to flush out the system? Anyone out there ever try one of those?

2) I'm seriously considering piercing stuff and I want to know of your experiences. My source tells me that getting your nose pierced is more painful than the clitoris. Any input from you bloggers? I personally find that hard to believe, but she swears the nose is worse.

3) Does it seem lame for a thirty something to get her nose pierced? Is that some mid-life "I'm trying to hold on to my youth" thing?

Hiatus

2006-04-05T07:27:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be a bit preoccupied for a few days. I'll be back and blogging soon! Have a great week and think happy thoughts!

Last Saturday Revisited

2006-03-31T09:39:00.000-07:00

This is the best explanation I have for last weekend! I have blanked out many details and am too embarassed to discuss others, the following is all you get:

All I can say about me being jealous is that it's all Craig's fault. He spoils me on a regular basis and makes me feel like other women don't even exist. So when we're out with a bunch of Molson Ice girls from Canada and they think he's just so darn cute and funny, I want to scratch his eyes out and pull their hair until they ask for mercy. They actually wrote on him with markers. He had a heart on his neck and "enter from the rear" written on his side. Hello, they were under his shirt!!! He, of course, thinks the whole thing is just wildly funny- jackass!

Also, he and I got into a huge fight that night. We're not fighters. We bicker incessantly, but we don't really fight. There we were, on the street outside a bar in the rain, fighting over what, I have no real clear idea. I just think all the attention he was getting that night finally reached a limit for me.

Of course, we hit every cheesy bar Great Falls has to offer and sampled all of their specialty drinks. The consensus was that nobody remembers much after we drank the "fish bowls" at the Sip and Dip. This bar is famous; it even has mermaids and mermen swimming in a tank at the bar! It was there that one of the dad's from my kids soccer team was there sans wife and when I asked about her, I lost 35 minutes of my life listening about their divorce and custody tale. Good times.

In addition to the above, I was also part of a conversation about genital piercing. One of the girls who are engaged to a guy who works with Craig has her nose pierced. I was telling her, in my amorous, drunken way how much I liked it and have always wanted to get one. She said she'd be back down in a couple of weeks and take me to get it pierced. She then proceeds to tell me that if I really want to spice things up with Craig I should get my clitoris pierced, at which time her fiancé pipes in, "You REALLY should do it, Mary! Christy comes like 4 or 5 times every time we have sex!!!" At this point I don't think there was a person in the bar that wasn't privy to our conversation. When all was said and done, I think I said I'd get both my nose and who-ha pierced when she was back in town (yeah, I don't think so)!

All in all it was a fun night, full of gross sex talk and inappropriate touching. I told Craig I wasn't up for drinking like that with that many people for a long, long, long time. He's ready to go back out to the pub crawl this weekend. I think it's much more fun to put the kids in bed have a few drinks here, have naughty, married sex and go to bed by midnight, but that's just me!

Happy Birthday!

2006-03-30T08:48:00.000-07:00

My sweet CJ is 8 years old today! He's the greatest kid with such a big heart. He's one of the most empathetic kids I've ever met. He's always looking out for his brothers (whether they like it or not)!

The day he was born was one of the most amazing days of my life! I was surrounded by all the people I love in the world. He was born to a cacophony of cheers and a presence of utter and total love! Every child deserves the welcome he received. Every day he's in my life I'm amazed at the person he is. I am so grateful God chose me to be his Mom!

Happy Birthday, Sweet Boy!

I'm old

2006-03-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

So I partied with some Canadian chicks this weekend and a discovered a few things:

1) I'm too old to drink that many kinds of alcohol in one night. (A shooter called a "red-headed slut" is not as tasty as you'd think.)

2) Kids are not conducive to laying in the fetal position during a hangover.

3) I'm a jealous wife.

4) No matter what I'm doing or how old I get, when I party like a rock star I always end up with blisters on my feet. What's up with that?

5) Men in bars are bigger assholes than I remember.

6) Chicks in bars put up with more bullshit than they should.

7) People are motivated by sex more now than ever.

8) The definition of virgin is a bit skewed since the Clinton administration.

9) I must have the kind of face that says, "please tell me your sad, sad tale." I always listen and act totally enthralled when in actuality in my mind I'm stabbing the person in the eye with the paper umbrella in my drink."

10) In college, a night of binge drinking always ended up with the bodily fluids flowing, you know, fighting, crying, and usually disappointing sexual experiences. Not much has changed in that department.

The Great Continental Divide

2006-03-20T14:15:00.000-07:00

So I had a great weekend! My friend and I decided to get a weekend away from the house, kids and drudgery and go shopping in Missoula. We were also celebrating her birthday and trying to distract me from being so homesick since I was missing my nephew's wedding this weekend. So it was just us girls. We got to go out to eat and enjoy restaurants we don't have here. We got to shop for as long as we wanted without worrying about exasperated husbands and unruly kids. We are both moms of boys, so it was nice to do girly stuff without the reticule of the y chromosomes in our lives!

I drove since my van is much more economical than her SUV. I knew we were expecting a little bit of snow over the weekend, but holy crap did I underestimate this storm system! Going wasn’t' so bad because the rain and snow was light. We arrived in Missoula in record time and proceeded to really enjoy our time away. When I talked to Craig that night he was worried about my return trip and wanted me to take extra care. Since he's not a worrier or paranoid at all, this got my attention. He told me that Great Falls had about 2-4 inches of snowfall since we left. Hmmm. Missoula was about 40 degrees with no snow. The day was partly cloudy and actually pleasant considering this is Montana. So we left Missoula at about 3 PM and we were watching for the weather.

The first half of the trip was awesome, no snow, no rain and partly cloudy. Being surrounded by the beautiful Rocky Mountains and rolling Missouri River was glorious. Then we started to see the on coming cars. They were caked in a slushy, snowy sheen of ice and snow. As we drove on we started to see some flurries, but still it was nice. And then we began to climb the pass of the Great Continental Divide. Can you say, "Scared out of my ever-lovin' mind?!?!" Holy crap! As the elevation climbed the snow got thicker, the road was packed with white. Still we climbed and climbed. The flurries got huge the road got slippery. Onward we went. As you look around your view is of massive pine trees frosted with snow, the gradure of the Rockes, the beauty of it all is breathtaking. However when I looked at the guard rail it was covered with snow that was scraped by the snow plows and beyond the guard rail is a white abyss!

We finally reach the summit and my palms are sweaty, my breathing is shallow. I am relieved at this point because I feel like I've reached the finish line, and then it dawns on me...what goes up, must come down!!! Ho-lyyyyy SHIIITTTTT!!!!!!!! Now I'm going down hill, sharply! The road is curvy, packed with snow and slick. My body is in a complete state of full blown panic attack! I think the pain in my stomach might just do me in. I'm certain that I'll hyperventilate and we'll go careening down the mountain. All I can envision is the headlines: "Military Wives Plummet to Their Death on the Great Divide!" I don't think I've ever been quite this scared. I'm almost frightened to the point of being immobile. Just when I think I can take no more, we're at the bottom of the pass!

I am so grateful that I'm incapable of any speech other than, "Thank You God!" The rest of the trip was full of snow, but certainly not as harrowing as the trek from on high! We then journeyed to the store to pick up some vittles for our families and on home we went, as if nothing much had transpired. But by the time I dropped Michelle home and made it back to my house, I was nothing but a puddle of goo!

The best thing in the whole world is to have an adventure like that and then to walk into the door to three little beasties jumping for joy, "You're home! You're home! Mom we missed you so much!" I was gone for a grand total of 34 hours and this is my homecoming! Am I lucky or what?

Later that night, after the kids went to sleep and my guy and I are snuggling, I express to him my total and utter terror of the day. I told him how deeply grateful I am that I made it down the pass alive and how good it feels to be home. He said that he was thankful that I was home too. He said that he had some prayers of thanksgiving that day. He looked around at our boys and the happy, warm home that we've built here and he gave God his thanks. He said, "We've got such a great life!" I agree.

WWJD, really?

2006-03-15T10:21:00.000-07:00

So I'm in the middle of my morning, cleaning the kitchen, having my coffee, reading the paper while listening to Regis and Kelly when all of the sudden it all just stopped. See I came upon an article in the paper about the Catholic Church and adoption.

From reading my blog many of you know that I placed a baby for adoption almost eleven years ago. Also from reading my blog you know I was raised Catholic. So when I was looking into adoption agencies I naturally chose to use Catholic Social Services. I had a wonderful open adoption experience. I was treated with love and compassion. My social worker was a nun who was not only kind, but very knowledgeable about the legalities of adoption. I was counseled and advocated for and I felt and still feel that this was the best place for me to find a family for my daughter.

So today it saddened me so deeply to read an article that states that the Boston Archdiocese will be ending their role in adoption because of a state law allowing gays and lesbians to adopt. The archdiocese says that they encountered a "dilemma" they cannot solve. The article goes on to say that in 2003 the Vatican wrote that gay adoption was "gravely immoral" and children placed in such homes would be "deprived of the experience of either motherhood or fatherhood." I've not been a "practicing Catholic" for five years. I've really struggled with this since so much of my life and family traditions have been steeped in the churches rituals and teachings.

It's hard to let go of something that has been so much a part of my life; having said that, I really don't want to be a part of something that is so blatantly hypocritical. The churches stance on this particular subject really hits home due to my connection with adoption. It's been my experience that gay couples are less likely to discriminate against drug babies, HIV positive babies and babies of a different race. Why would the church turn there backs on those children with such a great need to be loved and couples who in turn are willing to give so much love?

I just don't understand why this whole issue is so confusing for religious. Aren't we taught to love one another? Isn't it the basics of Christianity to embrace each other in our likeness and differences? What about God is Love? There seems to be no compassion, no understanding and no willingness to be open. Part of the adoption process is to take it case by case, and here the church is just making on blanket denial based on what? One positive side to the article was that in December the 42 member board of the Boston Catholic Charities voted unanimously to continue to consider gay couples in the adoption process. In learning of the archdiocese's decision, eight members stepped down from their positions on the board to protest. Maybe there are some voices of reason in the church and they won't just blindly accept this kind of discrimination.

Religion can really test a person's faith! I've never wavered in my basic beliefs. I've always had a great relationship with God and have had total faith in His role in my life. I've missed going to church. I've missed the community of church. I've missed the sights and smells of mass. But I just feel like I have to listen to what my heart is telling me and that is that my place may not be in that church any more. I don't know where my journey will lead me at this point. I'm just not sure I feel comfortable in a place that alienates an entire section of the population that I've found to be accepting and loving.

Medicinal Happiness!

2006-03-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

This photo is for my internet sisters who want to procure some of the over-the-counter crack I discussed in my last post. I think I purchased it at the base commisary, but I don't believe "YourLife" brand is exclusive to military bases. :-)

Embarassing Moment

2006-03-10T23:25:00.000-07:00

How humiliating is this: my dog Jake has been hitching rides with me to take the boys to school and to pick them up. This has been so great because the kids get a kick out of him riding with us and he gets to see the world! Anyway, I'm not a morning person, I don't do well getting up early and sprucing up. I just throw on some sweats, put on my slippers and take the boys to school. Nobody sees me, I never get out of the car, and the trip is usually 10 minutes round trip tops.

Well, this morning I was braless, in my sweats and slippers and Jake the wonder dog decides to jump out with the boys and line up. Not only does he line up with them, but then proceeds to walk in the school and head straight for the office. So naturally, I have to walk in the school with all of the teachers and students preparing to start their day in halls and march to the office hair sticking up on end, boobs bouncing wildly to pick up my adventurous pooch.The only thing that has soothed my bruised ego was that Jake was a big hit. The kids all thought he was quite the celebrity! Even the school secretary who never cracks a smile was giddy with Jake joy! What a way to start the day.

On to other things...As you know I've been back to the gym and I'm trying to eat better. I even gave up red meat for Lent. Not just on Friday's either, but every day, people. I live in Montana where they have some of the best beef in the country and I'm not eating any of it! Anyway, I also started taking supplements for energy and I'm convinced there's crack in them. They're "Balanced B complex & C with Rose Hips". It claims to "spark energy and enhance the immune system", and boy does it. Maybe I'm just impressionable, I don't know, but I feel fantastic when I take them in the morning. They really seem to give me more energy and a positive outlook. Just yesterday on the way home from the gym I had a day dream of running naked in a field with my husband. Holy crap! Maybe these things are laced with Ecstasy, I don't know, but I LIKE them!

2006-03-03T13:20:00.000-07:00

Craig and I have gotten confirmation that we'll be moving to Vandenberg AFB in the central part of California. We were there briefly for Craig's nuke training before coming here five long years ago.We're pretty excited about this endeavor because we'll be closer to family. My dad and some sibs are 4 hours to the southeast, my brother, wife and baby are 4 hours to the north and my other brother and his large clan are a couple hours east. Nobody is too close as to be knocking on my door in various states of drunkenness at all hours, and yet close enough to have visits when I want.

The other awesome deal is that Vandenberg is on the coast and we'll be able to enjoy the wonderful cuisine of the area. I'm not much of a wine person (vodka and gin are my poisons of pleasure), but I will be in the wine country of the movie Sideways. I'm really pumped to go on some tasting tours with my hubby. I didn't get to enjoy that much the first time around because my boys were babies and I didn't want to leave them to go get wasted and come home to dirty diapers and sleepless nights. Now, however I'm totally game for getting trashed and coming home to my cherubs!

So the big problem right now is that we haven't received our orders yet and we don't have our "report no later than date". I'm told that we should get the date "soon, very soon". Whatever that means! Craig requested that we report in mid July because family is coming up here to celebrate my dad's birthday in June (he has a place an hour or so from here also). So we sit and wait.

I have a house to get ready for sale and shit to purge. I don't have to do much packing because the Air Force will move us (however, recently a friend of mine had her china cabinet packed up with the china still in it), so we're also going to do what is termed a partial ditty move. I have no idea what "ditty" stands for, but in a nut shell my mom's china's coming with me! Right now I'm just in the list-making-freaking-out-about-all-the-shit-I-have-to-do phase of preparation.

Thanks for wondering, people. It's nice to know that my cyber friends want to know where we're headed. After all of the craziness subsides, I really am looking forward to getting back to California. This move will be a great thing for all of us.

Desperate

2006-02-27T09:13:00.000-07:00

I've gotta get out of here. I'm really struggling with Spring fever and it's not even Spring yet. The weather here is so wierd lately and I just can't wait to move. The people and the monotony of this life here is getting to me. I'm looking forward to purging ourselves of all the crap we've accumulated over the last five years and starting fresh. I can't wait to be closer to family and out of the cold, cold Montana winters. I just wish summer would arrive sooner!

As you can see I'm a little manic. This post is a reflection of the strange vibe I feel lately. I don't know if it's my desperation to get out of here or what, but please pray that I don't crack under the pressure!

Things that bug the shit out of me lately:

1) Parents who stand around talking while their kids run around and behave like shit heads
2) Parents who give their own hang-ups to their children
3) People in authority positions that act like they listen, but really never do
4) Homework
5) The monotony of it all

Things that always give me some pleasure:

1) My husband
2) Grey's Anatomy
3) My kids' imaginations
4) The sunshine
5) A good book

Things that make me giggle:

1) The word wiener
2) My husband
3) The book I Love You Stinky Face
4) My dog's grotesque under bite
5) Seeing everyone and their brother wear those butt ugly colored Croc clogs

Some things I can't wait to do:

1) Move
2) Celebrate my 10th anniversary
3) Go camping
4) See family
5) Lose weight

Too Cute!

2006-02-24T22:29:00.000-07:00

A friend sent me this picture today and I couldn't stop staring at it! Oh My! Baby porcupines are the cutest creatures on the planet! Don't you agree?

Mary's a Loser!

2006-02-22T10:55:00.000-07:00

The dogs spend most of their time outside in the summer and fall, but when the weather turns, I don't have the heart to leave them outside. They have a great warm dog house, but this is Montana, people, it gets -30 here. So since they're in all the time I have to contend with dog hair and stink. It isn't enough that I deal with 3 boys who make my house smell like feet and ass half the time, but now dog smell too?!?!

Well when I let them in today their paws were caked with mud and it was getting all over my kitchen floor. At first I thought to sit down and clean their paws with a warm cloth and then, during a moment of total insanity, I decided I would bathe them myself. What was I thinking?

In the end the bathroom was soaked from ceiling to floor (and toilet paper in between), I was drenched from my jeans to my underwear and the dog hates me. Needless to say I didn't bathe the other two. It was just more than I could take. So one dog is now clean, fluffy and smelling sweet and the other two are stinky, stinky, stinky. With the mud on their paws I actually took a bucket with doggy shampoo and washed their paws. I need to get a life!

Craig has serious Olympic fever! Every evening he comes home and immediately turns the t.v. on to watch the latest event. He's not deterred from anything, he even got into the ice dancing the other night. Did you see all of those falls! If we've learned anything it's that ice is slippery shit! By the way, was that Italian chick a trip? She had looks that could strip paint. Holy hannah, the girl has rage issues! Anyway, Craig watches it all and can't seem to control himself. I on the other hand have enjoyed some of the events, but come on!?! I can't possibly get into all of it.

Really? Curling? I find it to be on par with watching grass grow and water boil. Ick! I also miss my Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, Medium and a myriad of other shows that are in re-run because of the Games. I've been doing some reading and Sudoku puzzles instead. Can you say addicting?

I bought a Sudoku book because they're everywhere and I've actually read a couple of articles about this latest craze. These puzzles are so addictive. Once you start you can't help but want to continue. We've purchased several books now, we even got a kids Sudoku for the boys and they seem to enjoy it too. Many of the books go from easy puzzles to hard. Those hard ones are a little out of my league. I need to cheat my pants off to finish one of them and I'm not proud of that.

And this post just totally confirmed what a total loser I am! I spend my time with stinky kids and dogs, watching too much t.v. and doing number puzzles. Riveting!

Alien McFrank

2006-02-16T12:44:00.000-07:00

So I was bathing the boys the other night and my son Sammy had a toy alien in his hand, playing with it in the tub. This action figure looks very similar to the alien from the movie Alien. Scary! I told Sam that it had spit that was like acid:

Sam: What's acid?
M: It's a liquid chemical that can burn your skin. I saw it in a movie.
Sam: I don't think that's true.
M: How do you know? Have you ever seen an alien?
Sam: Yes. His name's Alien McFrank.
M: Alien McFrank? Where'd you see him?
Sam: In my bed. Something was tickling my foot and I looked down and it was Alien McFrank. But he's a nice alien.
M: He is?
Sam: Yeah, he has acid for spit, but he doesn't spit on me. He said he wouldn't spit on my family either.

All of this came out of his mouth without skipping a beat. He didn't even hesitate when coming up with the name Alien McFrank. He said it all with such confidence that it makes me consider that there just might be an alien race that comes down to Earth to tickle our feet.

This is my Sammy. He's a crack up. He has a fantastic imagination and a way of looking at the world in is very own unique way. He drives me nuts most of the time. He's very distracted by the world around him. He has a difficult time getting stuff done because he has a story to tell, or something else to do. Lately he just wants to have a chat with his teacher when he's supposed to be doing his work. We discussed this at Parent/Teacher Conferences yesterday.

Sometimes I just don't know what to do with him. I don't want to squelch his creativity, but he makes me crazy when he doesn’t get the most basic things accomplished because he's busy counting something, rhyming words or singing in his "own language". I want to be a supportive mom, but the world we live in demands that you go to school, do your work and do it on time. If he didn't have any time constraints he'd be fine. It's always the fact that he's on a time table that he gets himself in trouble.

Oy! This parenting gig is tough stuff! I worry that I'm too tough on him. I get so frustrated and I end up yelling at him to hurry up. The child is a gem! He's a sweet and kind soul with a wild imagination. He's the kind of kid I would be friends with if I was his age. How can I be a good parent to him and help him be successful? How do I teach him about time management without turning into the wicked witch of the west? How do I make sure he knows that I think he's a wonderful, awesome kid even though sometimes he drives me nuts?

XOXOXOX

2006-02-14T10:13:00.000-07:00

I used to really hate Valentine's Day! Of course that was before I met Craig. Since his sweet soul entered my life, everything's been different. I'm not a flowers and candy kind of gal, although I won't turn those down. I don't need to be fussed over, I just want him to acknowledge me and be sweet. That's not hard or complicated. For ten years he's done right by me.

What I now love about Valentines Day is my chicklettes. I love spoiling them with chocolate and buying them cheesy Valentine stuffed animals. I even baked them heart shaped muffins this morning. Am I a sap or what? Of course the muffins were before a shower and coffee, so I grumbled at my dumplings the entire time! "Happy fricken' Valentine's Day! Eat your muffins."

I sent Craig to work with a card and some cinnimon bears. You know the big, red, hot gummy bears? I told him I got them because he's hot and squishy, naw, I said because he's hot and sweet. I adore him and I told him so. His REAL present will come later... wink...wink!

I am wishing all of you a love-filled Valentine's Day. May this day not be the commercialized, Hallmark card, lame conversation heart day from hell we all loath, but rather a day that you spread LOVE to those special people in your life and maybe sprinkle some of that goodwill on a stranger, you'll both be better for it!

Celebrate Adoption

2006-02-07T16:40:00.000-07:00

I'm so lucky that adoption never had any stigma attached to it for me. My eldest sister adopted two boys and another sister placed a baby for adoption when she was 16. Each of us has a different perspective because the process was different for each of us. My sister who adopted has one adoption that's open and one that's not. My other sister's adoption was entirely closed. I think that plagues her today. Her son would be 28 years old and she has no idea where he is or even if he knows he was adopted. There's no contact, no pictures just wondering.

My adoption is as open as you can get. I chose Gabby’s parents in my third trimester. I spoke with her forever dad on the phone and set a date to meet him and his wife a week later. As fate would have it, I went into labor early and I met them while I was on the delivery table shortly after Gabby was born. It was during that meeting that I saw the hand of God working in my life. I know that may sound kooky, but it's the truth, so I don't care if it makes me sound like a holy roller.

They told me how beautiful she was and asked me if I chose a name. I said I had chosen Gabrielle because it means sent by God. They said that they had picked two girls names, Isabella and Gabriella, so her name became Gabriella. Amazing!

The next several days were emotional because she was five weeks early. She couldn't go home from the hospital because her lungs were at a crucial stage in development. The hospital where she was born didn't have the ability to properly care for her so she and I took a plane ride to another city with the facilities for her care. Her parents transported my mom in their car. We all met up at the hospital and took vigil by this angel, praying that she would quickly recover.

Those days we all got to know each other. Her forever mom told me that she could see how much I loved her and that she loves me and would understand if I wanted to change my mind. I had previously told myself that once I involve a couple into this adoption thing that was not turning back. I wouldn’t have called them if I wasn’t sure of my decision. So, when she said that it floored me. She had just as much love and emotion vested into this relationship with this baby as I did. She was being so loving and so selfless. I didn’t need any more confirmation that my decision was right on. I was lead in the right direction and this couple was sent to me to parent my child.

Our relationship has blossomed ever since. They are godparents to my middle son. We spend time at dance recitals and swim meets for Gabby. They have a second daughter and all of us, as a family get together. The girls went camping with us this summer and last spring the boys stayed with them for the weekend while Craig and I went to a wedding in Chicago. Gabby never wonders where she came from. She knows how much she’s loved. Total honesty has worked for us. I can’t recommend open adoption enough. It has helped me remain close to my birth child and yet move on with my own life.

I wish the media would show more realistic adoption stories. You always see the adoption that went wrong, the birth mother who changed her mind or the adoptive parents who kept secrets from their child. I also get frustrated with people’s responses to adoptions. To an adoptive couple they might say, “Oh you are both so wonderful to rescue that unwanted baby. What person could give away their child?” To birthmother’s they say things like, “you’re such a hero,” how can I be a hero and also be the ogre who just “gave away my baby”? It’s never made any sense to me. I did what was right for me and for Gabby. I wasn’t ready to be a parent. That’s not an easy thing to admit when you’re 23. I was about to graduate from college, it wasn’t as if I was 15 and still in school. But I knew that parenting was a tough job and I knew I would be doing it alone. I wasn’t ready. I knew as soon as I spent any time with the parents I chose for her that I’d made the right decision. We had an adoption ceremony when I signed my relinquishment papers. It was a difficult time, but I didn’t once doubt my decision.

Before Gabby went home with her parents she and I and my mom spent a couple of days together in a foster home. My mom and I were able to bond with her and tell her how much we loved her. When it was time we had an adoption ceremony. I signed my relinquishment papers and we exchanged prayers, hopes and dreams for her future and our future. The experience was bitter- sweet. I was sure of my decision and yet I was very sad. Saying good-bye, watching them leave with her while my mom and I left empty handed was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

In retrospect, the whole experience made me more confident in myself and my ability to cope. I was also able to become closer to my mom. We connected in a way that I never thought possible before that time. She supported me with the open adoption when other family members could not and she helped me through when I know that she was suffering along with me. The magical thing is that I gained so much from my adoption story. I learned a lot about love. I think that's what makes so many of these life experiences so scary. To really love someone you make yourself so vulnerable and so open to get hurt. It was in loving Gabby and her parents that I learned that it's okay to put yourself out there like that. When you make yourself so open, sure you can get slammed, but the reward is so awesome! The love that returns to you is a miracle. I try to tell people that I felt God had chosen me to be a vessle to carry this child for someone else. After I got through the pain of losing her, I saw all that was gained. I'm very grateful that I had her and that my life was changed in such a positive way.

Here's an odd tidbit, my eldest son and Gabby share the same birthdate. They are 3 years apart in age and very similar in personality. They get along famously. They refer to each other as half brother and sister--a word I never used with CJ. I let them define thier own relationship. Luckily, all the kids get along so well. They love and support each other without any coaching from thier parents. It's so awesome to see them all together. It makes me so proud that this is my family.

(The first picture above is during the adoption ceremony when Gabby was placed in her parents arms. The second picture is of my mom and I giving Gabby a bath at the foster home where we stayed with her for a couple of days before the ceremony. The next picture is of me, Gabby, her parents, my mom and her other grandparents the day of the ceremony. The final picture is of all the kids at the lake this summer. For the life of me I can't figure out how to put captions under the pictures without jacking up the text. Sorry!)

Connect

2006-01-31T15:14:00.000-07:00

So I read Inger's blog on a regular basis. She is a wonderful writer and always makes me think. I don't always comment because I don't have anything insightful to say, but I love reading her thoughts. I feel a kinship with her and I don't even know her. I feel a kinship with her son Liam too and am intrigued by the person he is.

All this may sound so weird, like I've really lost my ever-lovin' mind, but I can explain. See Inger is part of the trinity, so am I and so is Liam. We are the faces of adoption. I am a birth mom, Liam is an adoptee and Inger is his forever mom. I am not Liam's birthmother, I'm Gabby's birthmother. She was born almost eleven years ago.

I was beginning my senior year in college when I found out I was pregnant. To say it was an unplanned pregnancy is a gross understatement. I was a party girl; a free-loving spirit, sometimes angst-ridden mostly out for a good time, party girl. I went to a very small Catholic college and I had a wonderful circle of friends and I was pregnant with not a boyfriend’s baby, not even an acquaintance’s baby, but basically a stranger’s baby. What's a girl to do? I was raised by very Catholic, very right-winged parents who went through unplanned pregnancies with 2 other daughters. I was supposed to be the one who learned from their mistakes. I was supposed to be the "good" girl to follow in my parents footsteps; I was attending their alma mater after all. I was supposed to be a shining example of what great parents they were and here I show up pregnant my due date being the day I was to accept my diploma.

Those days after the stick turned were dark days for me. Being raised pro life and believing that life began at conception, I now had a kinship with all of the women who felt abortion was a good option. I had a real internal struggle over that decision. I can't say that I'm a supporter of abortion, but I know I can empathize with those who make that choice. You know that having a baby, or not having a baby, for that matter, will change your life forever. I decided that it would add insult to injury if I went against a basic belief of mine. I mean, how can you live with yourself if you go against something you've believed in with your whole heart? Besides feeling the shame of my pregnancy, I would then feel shame for being a hypocrite; going against my own moral compass? So I decided to tell my parents and face my future head on, whatever that would be.

The rest of the story is for another post. I just read Inger's blog and her struggles and triumphs as a mother and I feel connected to this stranger. How precious life is and how amazing it is that each choice we make can impact another human being, even when we don't know each other. It's a beautiful thing.

Drinking and Scouts

2006-01-27T16:00:00.000-07:00

Trudy with the Dancing Booty wanted the exact recipe for the Moscow Mule.

So here it is:

Moscow Mule:
2 measures vodka
1 measure lime juice
4 measures ginger ale
1 lemon & 1 orange wedge

Almost fill highball or Collins glass with broken ice.
Pour in vodka and lime juice.
Add ginger ale and stir well.
Garnish with the lemon and orange slices.

Variation: Substitute ginger beer for the ginger ale.

A very good and refreshing drink.

I wish I had something interesting to post, but not much happenin' in my neck of the woods. I just got back from my kids' awards assembly. They were rewarded by me to a trip to our local candy shop. Right now I'm a golden in their eyes.

Tonight we get to watch the two older boys race their pine cars for the pine car derby through the scouts. I hope I don't offend anyone when I say that the Boy Scouts of America organization are full of weirdoes. When you look around the room it’s full of some of the biggest misfits this community has to offer. Considering that I live in Montana, that's saying A LOT! Subsequently, this will be my boys last year in scouts. After doing this for a whopping two years and going to pack meetings where the pack leader wants us to clap in a circle for "a round of applause" wink-wink; I've had enough!

I kind of thought that boy scouts would be a good extra-curricular activity for Craig and the boys, but not so much. Craig thinks it’s pretty lame and the boys aren't exactly enthusiastic about all of the related activities. I had trepidations about the BS of A because of their stance on gay den leaders, but now I've figured not only is the organization closed minded, but they're teaching my kids how to be complete dorks. As if anyone in my family needed help with that. Well, I'm off. I need to go feed my brood before the derby.

Here's the menu:
Uncle Bubba's Beer Biscuits
Steamed Broccoli with Butter and herbs
Garlic mashed potatoes
Grilled London broil
white and dark chocolate chip cookies

I'll be consuming lots of Moscow Mules while I cook. That way the derby might actually be enjoyable! Caio, Baby!

2006-01-23T08:30:00.000-07:00

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Friendly Jester.
Where You Lived: Alaska.
How You Died: Decapitation.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

What the hell!?!? Decapitation? Yikes!! I guess I wasn't funny enough in my past life profession.

It's not rainy here, but it's a Monday and they can always get a person down. I have about 5000 loads of laundry and clutter in every room in the house. It's hard to get upbeat and motivated when that's what you have on the "To Do" list.

Tunnel of Love

2006-01-20T16:34:00.000-07:00

I don't know what the hell is going on, but my hormones are on fire. Since I'm no longer on the pill or having babies or breastfeeding, I've been acutely aware of all the aspects of my cycle. I read somewhere that some women get horny during ovulation. It's all a part of that evolutionary thing of perpetuating the species, I guess. Anyway, holy god have I been one walking hormone lately!!!

I told Craig that maybe I'm dropping a couple of eggs instead of one. He's been pretty pleased with what he's gotten out of my sexual rampage, but he's a bit tired. AW! I also have been reading these erotic novels my sister gave me for my birthday which I KNOW has contributed to the week of non-stop sexcapades.

Normally I read romance novels--don't judge me! I have been known to read mainstream fiction as well, with an occasional biography. Anyway, I think romance novels are good for the sex life because they get you thinking in the right direction. Craig has definitely benefited from my reading because he has less work to do in the foreplay department. Anyway, these erotic books are...well...holy crap! They make me want to jump him when he walks in the door. It helps that they're not just straight porn; there's a plot of sorts. My only complaint is the anal sex. Yes, I said A-N-A-L S-E-X!

I consider myself pretty adventurous in the bedroom, but the anal sex has never been a part of my personal repertoire. It's never even occurred to me. These books have some explicit anal scenes and I have to say that it took me totally off guard. Regular romance novels don't have anal scenes. Shoot, they don't even call male and female sex organs by name. They use euphemisms like "his throbbing manhood" or her "womanly mound". I know, grossly pathetic! These erotic books are more straight forward, which is nice (wink, wink)! However when making references to the anal sex they used the euphemism "dark channel". WHAT?!?!?!?!? EWWWWWW!!! You had me going there, for a minute I was humoring the anal idea, but DARK CHANNEL? I don't think so. That just sealed the deal for me. Anal sex, no, uh-uh, not gonna do it!

So there you have it, I'm horny, but no anal sex for me! Please feel free to give me your feedback on the anal subject. Am I a prude? Is there some unspoken sexual conspiracy out there? Is everyone having anal sex except me? Don't get me wrong, it won't change the facts; no tube-steak, butt ramba going on in this house, but I just want to know the skinny on the subject.

Have a nice weekend, my reader friends.

Gym Ponderings

2006-01-13T11:52:00.000-07:00

I was on the treadmill yesterday and couldn't help but notice the woman directly in front of my on the elliptical. It's hard not to notice the person right in front of you when you're on those machines...their ass is right in your face. Anyway, she was wearing a thong with her spandex workout pants. She had kind of a cottage cheesy ass so I was thinking, "Good for you getting back into the gym!" You know, trying to be judgmental and encouraging in one fell swoop. Well, the woman got off the machine and when I saw her profile I immediately saw that she was pregnant.

Now I felt like a real shit for judging her cottage cheese ass, because if ever there's a time you have a free pass to be out of shape, it's when your preggers. Any who, then I was thinking, "Who in the hell wants a thong up your ass when you're twelve months pregnant?" Maybe it's my bad memories of pregnancy hemorrhoids (I know...too much information) or maybe it's my aversion to thongs, I don't know, but it seemed odd to me. Besides, when I'm wearing my spandex workout pants they have a cotton panel in the crotch, I don't wear any undies. I wish the other chicks at the gym would take note. I think it looks repulsive to see there thong through the spandex.

On a slightly different note, here are five reasons I need to get back into shape:

5. I love guacamole more than any human should.
4. Holiday eating got way out of control this year.
3. I think my stamina during sex was better when I was down a few more pounds.
2. I am uncomfortable in my favorite pair of jeans.

...And the number one reason I need to get back into shape:
It's cheaper to get drunk when I have less body fat.

Have a nice weekend!

Moscow Mule's are Kickin'

2006-01-11T10:45:00.000-07:00

I have a new favorite drink! I usually love vodka and cranberry with a lime twist and I also adore gin and tonic with lime. Well, I had a Bunko party the other night and I fixed a non-alcoholic punch with pineapple juice and ginger ale. I had a bunch of ginger ale left over, so I looked in my handy-dandy cocktail book for a drink with ginger ale.

The drink is called Moscow Mule. Apparently, it was created here in the States, despite its name. In the 1940's a guy here in the U.S. bought the rights to Smirnoff Vodka. He wanted to promote his new endeavor and got together with a pub owner who had a stock pile of ginger ale. They combined the two with a dash of lime juice and change-o-presto, the Moscow Mule was created. You use a lime and an orange slice for garnish and it's a great drink!

So, I've had a busy couple of weeks, which is why I haven't posted anything new. Yesterday I got back into the gym and then entertained a friend's husband and baby while she was in town working. By the time I picked up my boys from school and started the afternoon battle of homework, dinner, and bath time, I was ready for a drink. I have to say that I'm not a BIG drinker. I mean, I could put away the booze in college, but since I've had kids I don't drink too often. Apparently, last night I needed a little stress relief.

I got the kids to bed and made the first of SIX Moscow Mules. Craig decided to join me in my little pity party and was drinking bourbon and diet coke to beat the band. It always amazes me that after being together for so long, we still learn new things about each other. Booze being the lubricator that it is helped the night evolve into deep discussions about our families and our feelings about who and what we are to those families. It's great to bond like that and feel so close to each other. We had a nice time together and I'm grateful we still have the ability to do that. Having some drunk, good-lovin' afterwards wasn't bad either.

Needless to say, I woke up a bit sore from my workout at the gym and a bit tired from a night of drinking and debauchery with my husband. I looked at my blog and decided that I need to get my butt in gear with my posts. I had a post about the miners cued up, but I just deleted it because I felt like I had nothing new to bring to the table. I keep thinking about the one survivor and if he'll ever recover from this tragedy, both physically and emotionally. Talk about survivor's guilt, holy crap! Anyway, like I said I have nothing new to bring to that discussion.

My life right now consists of trying to get my over-eating butt back in shape and trying to watch my foul mouth in front of my kids. I'm not doing too hot at either endeavor, but I'll keep you posted. Hopefully, now that life has settled in again, I can get back to posting on a more regular basis. I hope you try my new favorite drink!

I'm Back!

2005-12-31T12:34:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm back. We flew back late Thursday and due to some weather issues, we didn't land back in Great Falls until one in the morning Friday. Needless to say, it was a long journey with the three boys.

I don't think I'll go into any detail about my trip. It was great to be with family over the holidays, but it's a busy time to travel. Not to mention that it's hard to adjust to another way of doing Christmas when you've set your own traditions with your kids. All in all, we were all spoiled and we're all glad to be home.Yesterday we all slept in and reveled in being home. Today we're still in our jammies and thinking about unpacking everything. Instead of going out and partying like rock stars, Craig and I are going to stay home with the boys and play some board games. We'll stay up to watch Dick Clarke's last ball drop and then we'll be off to bed. I expect a phone call from my brother just after midnight. He calls every year at that time to wish me a happy birthday.

Yes, tomorrow’s my birthday. I'll be 34. I never care about my age it's the day of my birth I've never really liked. It's so anti-climactic to have your birthday New Year's Day. Everyone's burnt out from the holidays, broke and usually hung over, what fun is that? Of course, my first birthday with Craig changed a lot of that. He's always managed to take something I feel shitty about and turn it into something great!

We were at my sister's house for New Year's Eve. We brought over some Bombay Sapphire Gin and he proceeded to get everyone drunk. He made us all laugh! He even got my sister whose afraid of flying say that she'd go sky diving with us. At midnight he brought out this huge present for me. I unwrapped it to find another wrapped box and then another and another. When I finally got to the last box, I found a silver and gold cuff bracelet. It was a storyteller bracelet from Arizona where he was working at the time. It was beautiful and thoughtful and every time I wear that lovely piece of jewelry I smile.

It's his quirkiness, kind heart and sense of fun that made my birthday so awesome. He got together with my family and allowed us to cut loose without any baggage and bullshit. He made the night fun and light. He does that a lot! His sense of humor is a finely tuned defense mechanism from his childhood. He uses it to lighten the mood and bring the tension down. He always manages to make me smile even when I don't think I want to. I love that he turned my birthday into a special day and a happy day.

Anyway, I'm happy to be home! I missed all of my internet friends and I look forward to catching up with all of you. Have a joyful New Year and may 2006 be full of adventure!!!

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIENDS!!!!

2005-12-17T17:40:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official...Carroll College Saints are NAIA champions for the FOURTH time!!! GO SAINTS!

The final score was Saints 27-Cougars 10. I have to admit I was a bit freaked out when St. Francis scored a field goal in the first few minutes of the game, but that just lit the fire under the Saints and they answered that 3 pointer with a touchdown!!!

All in all it was a great game and I was so thrilled that my cable company gave us a preview of CSTV so we could watch it here.

The bowling ally outing was fun and now me and my guys are all nestled in for a cozy winter evening. Tomorrow starts the madness of packing for a 9 day trip for a family of five! It should be this complex battle of matching sox and planning outfits for weather in a different place. I'm sure it will all work out fine, but not my idea of a good time.

I may get a chance to post one more time before we leave, but if I don't...

Merry Christmas!!!

Oh, Tiny and JQP, you owe me!

SEX AND FOOTBALL

2005-12-17T12:30:00.000-07:00

So starting a Saturday with great morning sex, getting to watch my alma mater kick some butt on tv and then taking my kids for bowling...it doesn't get better than this!

Right now it's half time and it's Carroll College Saints 17 and Saint Francis Cougars 3!!!

GO SAINTS!!!!!

If anyone is getting CSTV look for my dad in the stands!

Being Busy, Carroll Football and Memories

2005-12-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

So I haven't blogged much lately because I've been doing the baking, decorating, shopping, mailing, and Christmas-card writing thing. It's all so exhausting. Traveling next week has encouraged me to get a lot of stuff done early, so that's good. Usually cards would've waited, but they're almost all done. I also started knitting scarves for Craig's nieces. He thinks I'm insane to start a project this late, but that's how I operate. I do well under pressure.

In other news I have an editor's note from my last post. Carroll is playing for its fourth straight NAIA championship, not fifth. At this blog we strive for accuracy in reporting the facts! The game's this Saturday, so I will be doing a football win dance as I attend a Christmas bowling party with my kids. The dance is much like an Indian rain dance, but there's beer drinking and booty shaking involved.

So, I've been sort of bi-polar in a sense lately. I get giddy with excitement for Christmas because of the kids. Their joy and anticipation is so contagious! I also realize that although I complain about how busy they keep me with all of their activities and such, I love this time in our lives because I realize how short it is and that we are making many happy memories! I love that we're starting our own traditions and that our five person family is its own entity; not my family, not his family, but OUR family. But, the flip side is, as many of you can relate, the holidays can be depressing. I find myself thinking about my mom and brother. They've both passed in the last two years. The holidays are tough without them.

Lately, I've also started to reminisce about Christmas' past. You know when you're a kid; you kind of always think that things are going to be that way forever. When I was a kid, we all were together at my parent’s house. Christmas Eve was an open buffet of food, food, food. All of the Christmas baking was out. The house smelled of anise and something else you can only equate to home. We would all go to church and then back to mom's to eat. We would sing Happy Birthday to Jesus and one of the grandkids would put baby Jesus in the Nativity scene. For many years we opened presents that night. Bows, boxes and wrapping would seem to explode all over the house. More often than not, my mom would beg "the girls" to sing some of her favorites. She almost always got her way. We'd turn around and have a big feast for Christmas dinner. She loved to make a big fancy dinner with escargot as the opening course. All of us would be wearing a Christmas present; a sweater, slippers, or sporting something that we received and might not wear ever again. The kids would have their favorite toy in hand (this may or may not end up breaking before the night was over)! We'd laugh a lot, eat a lot, sing and someone would end up in a fight and/or tears!

As years passed and our family multiplied these events became more and more chaotic. It started to get harder and harder to get us all together. Mom and Dad were getting too old to do everything at their house. No one else had the space for our huge clan. We might all meet at church and then have dessert at someone's house. After awhile just the singles got together for the fancy dinner's at moms. One year dad emailed all of us a course to prepare from Sunset magazine. That was interesting! That was the year my brother brought some skank girlfriend to dinner. She ended up laying next to him on the floor of the family room after the meal and dry-humped his leg in front of God and everyone. I wanted to shoot her on the spot. He said it was because she was European, I say it was because she was a classless ho!

But I digress! I guess it's hard getting older when you realize things will never be that way again. My dad sold that big house on Mandan road this year. My mom is gone, Jonny's gone. My kids will never be a part of all of that insanity. They'll never know what it's like to have my mom beg them to perform! I certainly won't be making escargot for Christmas dinner any time soon. Everyone's doing their own thing, which is good in many ways. Geez, I don't even go to church any more. I find myself feeling sad, melancholy and just missing. And then there are my three boys. Those beasties don't give me long to wallow. They throw questions at me like, "how does Santa bring presents to kids with no chimney?" CJ said, "Will you sing that Let it Snow song? I just love that song!" Now how can you sing, "Oh the weather outside is frightful..." and be sad? You can't. I guess I need to just be thankful for the yin and yang. How can you relish in all the joy without knowing that deep down sadness?

Oh When the Saints Go Marchin' In...

2005-12-05T10:11:00.000-07:00

My Alma Mater, Carroll College Saints are going to the NAIA championship for the 5th time in a row!!!!! GO SAINTS! They'll be playing the University of St. Francis, JQP's Alma Mater!!!

Oh how I wish I could be tailgating in Tennessee with the Blogger Public! The Saints defeated the Cougars last year in a courageous battle! The Cougars have kept the final score to that game on the wall in their locker room as inspiration this season. I would love to be singing our fight song, eating brats, drinking beer to see my Saints win, an unprecedented FIFTH NAIA championship, but alas it's not to be. I will be leaving for Mobile, Alabama on the 20th to spend the holiday with the in-laws. There's kids' programs, basketball games, etc...So the Saints will have to win without me! JQP, if you attend the game raise a glass for me!

In other news I haven't put one damn Christmas decoration up in my house. I keep thinking that since we're not going to be here, what's the big deal? Well, I'm starting to think I'm just a lazy hag and I need to deck some frickin' halls! Some shopping has been done, but I still have to get stuff in the mail and of course finish the dreaded Christmas cards. In case you're wondering, the photo I chose was the one outside where kids were looking at the camera, but the dogs were looking everywhere else. Out of the 20,000 shots I took that one was the very first and the best. Go figure!

BTW, the Christmas baking is almost done. We have 2 kinds of fudge, almond biscotti, chocolate mint balls and raspberry cake bars...want some? Come on over!

KIDS AND DOGS ARE TOUGH SUBJECTS!!!

2005-12-01T16:23:00.000-07:00

This is the product of what will forever be referred to as "The Great Christmas Photo Debacle". At one point I was running down my street chasing one of the dogs while his leash was dragging behind him!

The Weather Outside is Frightful...But...

2005-11-29T22:15:00.000-07:00

Well, I just stood outside for about 30 seconds and took a nice look around and a BIIIIIG deep breath. It's about 12 degrees outside and the ice and snow is frozen on the barren tree limbs. It's brighter outside at 10:15 than it was at 5:30. There's this other-worldly feel to my neighborhood because of the white that is blanketed and frozen over everything and it's sooo quiet! It makes me want to sing, "...walking in a Winter Wonderland".

I gotta say that I've never been that appreciative of the winter. I hate being so cold that your stomach feels like you've just done a hundred crunches. I really dislike frozen toes, which seems to be my plight no matter which flippin' boots I buy or how thick my damn socks! I also get pretty annoyed with my boys' cold weather gear ALL over my house! Don't get me started on driving with icy roads, that's become a nightmare for me!

Having said all that tonight makes it all seem so magical. I'm giddy with all the white and absolutely thrilled with the prospect of making snow angles tomorrow! From the icicles hanging down from my eves to the absolute awe on my kids' faces each morning, I'm just a twitter with joy! The landscape has changed every day since Saturday and it has me so excited for this holiday season. I was actually singing along with the dreaded Christmas music in the car last night! If you don't think that's a miracle, ask my husband about my usual four-letter-word pontifications on how I usually loathe the outdated and overplayed jingles!

To add to my winter drunkedness, the boys received a letter from Santa today! It had their names on it, was post marked "North Pole" and had a reference to us being in Mobile for Christmas! The looks on their faces just about knocked me out!!

Bliss!!!!

...and we're expecting more snow tonight!

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

2005-11-25T20:13:00.000-07:00

So Craig and I were invited to a friends house for Thanksgiving. Awesome, I say. We hosted Turkey day the last 2 years so I was thrilled to not have to cook, clean and obsess about the tablecloth, placecards, enough food, enough room, everyone's favorite drink, etc. So part of not having to host is also not having to get up at the butt-crack of dawn to prep and cook.

There we were, sleeping in and enjoying lazing around Thursday morning. My hubby debating with me if we had enough time to enjoy our coffee, prepare our sweet potato casserole and still have mind blowing sex. I told him we didn't have enough time, so he proceeds to tickle me and goof off in bed, trying to persuade me, fun right? Well, get this...he is now at the part where he claims he can lift me up in the air off of him, and I'm fighting him telling him I'm too damn fat and old for those kind of antics.

He's lifting me up and my hands grasp the headboard over his head, my legs up in the air behind me, his hands at my hips "trying to find my center of gravity" when my 7-year-old marches in and says, "Hey, a giant clam!" I thought I'd just die. First of all, don't be gross, my jammies were on, and secondly he has no idea about that euphamism. He just saw that the two of us looked like a giant clam, hinged at the headboard. However, I laughed for about 5 minutes straight and was worried for a second there that I just might pee my pants a little. For the rest of the day Craig called me GC (Giant Clam)!

Here's hoping your Thanksgiving was as fun-filled as mine!

I Loveit I Loveit I LLLooooveit!!!

2005-11-21T09:43:00.000-07:00

You know Molly Shannon's character Helen Madden? She's a joyologist and is fond of saying, "Iloveit, Iloveit Iloooooveit!!! Well, it makes me so happy to see that skit! I bought the best of Molly Shannon for that and for her Sally O'Malley number (I'm 50..5--0!). That woman is a comic genious and cracks me up! So, here's my form of joyology going out to all of you on this fine fall Monday!

I love retired military dudes. This last week I went to the local VFW to help bake cookies. The local vets put together Christmas care packages for Montanans who are deployed. They even bake cookies for the local guys who are out in the field.These old guys are hilarious. They tease you upon meeting you, which always brings a smile to my face. They harass each other relentlessly all the while doing something nice for people they don't even know. Did I mention that most of these guys are about 75 and above? They served their country and are now volunteering their time for our troops abroad. I love them!

I love giving things to my son Sam. Not that I don't love giving stuff to the other boys, but it's all in the reaction. When you give something to Sam he says, "FOR ME?!?!" He gets so excited and is so thrilled to have whatever it is. He has the same reaction for a new pair of slippers as he would for a coveted toy! It's awesome! Also, he has the best Christmas list ever!

1. A plastic goat
2. Snapping teeth
3. Googlie eye glasses
4. Robo pet

I asked him why he wanted a plastic goat and he said, "Because I don't have one!" Duh!

I love the smell outside when there's a chill in the air, and someone has a wood burning stove on. The crisp autumn air was so awesome last night. When I came in I left the screen open to let the cool air and wood smell inside. Good smells like that always make me happy.

I love holiday baking. I don't like to bake in the general sense. Baking for me is relegated to the holidays. I have some pretty incredible memories of being in the kitchen and making family favorites while my mom gave me instructions. Now Craig and I bake together and give goodies away to friends and neighbors. Even though it's labor intensive, it's one of my favorite things about the holidays.

I love the way I feel after I've worked out. I'm a procrastinator and not an incredibly self-motivated person, either. Getting to the gym is not always on the top of my list of priorities, even though it should be because I feel like a million bucks after I've had a good work out. I'm always so proud of myself because, although I grew up playing sports, I never really enjoyed running or lifting weights. Now, I love it. I just need to work on the motivation to get there.

Well, there you have it. I wanted to share some positive thoughts! I'm trying to put some positive karma out there as my birthday and the New Year approach. I've had a lot of happiness in my life this year; I want to keep it going. So spread the wealth people. Throw out some joy into the world, hopefully it will come back and slap you in the ass! Maybe all that happiness will give you a joy wedgie...you should be so lucky!!!

A Patriots' Confession

2005-11-12T13:29:00.000-07:00

In my mind I've wanted to create a post about the current political climate and my role in it. Unfortunately, I don't think I have the intelligence to fully articulate my feelings. Please bear with me.

As I was running yesterday in a 5K for Veterans, I was thinking to myself, "What the hell does running this 5K have anything to do with Veterans?" Listening to the cadence of my footfalls I said a short prayer for those serving our country abroad. I thought about how much I wished our troops could just come home. I thought about how I would feel if Craig had to be deployed. I thought about how angry I would be to know he was over there "fighting terrorism" and there seemed to be no light at the end of that tunnel. I suppose that answered my own question about the purpose of the run. It was great to see the military members who ran to support their comrades.

Okay, here comes the political part. I was raised by a conservative republican dad who was a fighter pilot in the Air Force. He's very right winged where as my mom was more or less an "independent" who later registered republican so she could vote in the primary. She was raised by a man who was a union steward for the railroad. I think in her heart she was a democrat. Well, when it came time for me to register to vote at 18, I registered republican, wanting to make my parents proud, but also not understanding much except that the current president was republican.

Don't start throwing rotten tomatoes at me. I thought I was doing the right thing. Now that I'm older, I'm not even remotely sure what the right thing is in the political arena. I know that when given the choice between Bush and Kerry, I was really stumped. The choice was equally bad!! I guess I thought that Bush should finish what he started in the Gulf and clean up his mess. Now with the recent Supreme Court nominations, I see where my choice was so egregiously flawed.

Being a military spouse I see politics in a very confusing light. I see a large group of people who are fervent patriots, who wouldn't say a bad thing about the administration because they see it as treason. I see many who serve and don't even understand the depth of what to serve means. I see religious zealots who think nothing morally of what it means to be a nuclear officer. Does that make any sense? This base is a missile base. That means that currently Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles are our main mission. We train to launch these missiles and work to be the fighting force of nuclear deterrents to the rest of the world.

I've had many discussions with my husband regarding the moral implications of his job and training, what it means to me, our children. I've talked about how it floors me that most other's in my position look at me like I've grown a third eye when I talk about that issue in terms of, "how does it make you feel to know that your husband is trained to destroy the world as we know it?"

I live with a guy who thinks that although he would never burn the flag that doing just that might be one of the most democratic things you can do. That is showing that we are so free we can destroy the symbol of our country without repercussions. He says, "I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death to give you the freedom to say it!" I know he didn't make that up, but he believes it with his whole heart. That's one of the things I love and admire about him.

So that's the dirty secret I carry. I'm a republican. I really feel shame about George W. Bush being our president. I feel let down and misguided. I feel so conflicted about the war in Iraq. I never supported the idea of going over there. I DID know from the beginning that it was wrong. But now I feel like we have no choice but to stay and clean up the mess that we've made. Each and every day I hope and pray our troops will soon return. This month our base will loose a large number of troops to a deployment in the Middle East. I know these guys. I know their wives and kids. They will be gone through the holidays and be put in harms way to help the "war on terror". I am saddened that maybe I had something to do with their departure. I'm ashamed because I'm glad my husband doesn't have to go.

It seems that the worse thing about the current administration is that it has made proud, voting Americans shameful of being American and not want to vote. It's ironic that bringing democracy to the Middle East is one of the administrations objectives when they can't even instill civic pride and decrease voter apathy in our own country.

HMMPPH!!

2005-11-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

There are some things that just bug me. Here's a list of misused words that make my teeth itch:

1. Irregardless
2. Supposuvly
3. Fustrated

Here are some random occurences that bug me:

1. People who order massive amounts of stuff in the drive-thru
2. When parents insist on comparing kids grades and test scores in a battle of "my kid's better than yours"
3. Giving kids trophies for playing sports in which you don't even keep score just for participating
4. Bureaucracy in getting stuff done. You know when you're trying to do something proactive and some sort of rule, process or agenda keeps you from accomplishing your objective?
5. Military spouses that think they hold the rank of the military member.

Fashion trends that are abhorant:

1. The thong
2. butt cleavage
3. low low rise jeans
4. when something's labeled "retro" and I wore it at one time
5. clothes with cut outs
6. the showing mid-drift (especially if the mid drift shower is sporting rolls of any kind)
7. the obsession with fake tanning

Lastly, and probably my biggest flaw is that I also can't stand stupid people. I find that stupid people are everywhere and they suck! Like the lady at the movie theater yesterday who was trying to "help" and ended jacking up the order because she was among the stupid. If she would've just backed the fuck off and let the person who had originally taken our order just finish things up, everything would've been peachy.

I know how dusgruntled I sound, but I'm just in that kind of mood. I just got off the phone with my son's teacher who is a very nice lady, but she delivered info that was totally unhelpful. It seems the whole school system doesn't want to help. I find myself so extremely frustrated and angry because I thought, in my own arrogance, that I knew the school system and I would able to get his educational needs met. I'm not sure where to go from here, but I'm going to keep at it because I'll be damned if I'll let this particular bureaucracy discourage me!!!!

BOO!

2005-10-31T21:38:00.000-07:00

Holy Crap! This has been the longest week of my life and it's only Monday! Doing the classroom Halloween circuit along with Craig's work Halloween thing, trying to have a somewhat healthy meal and carving the fricken' pumpkins we forgot to carve over the weekend, I'm fucking beat. Let's not forget the actual trick-or-treating. Holy Hell, they got a lot of candy! Then I look at my blog that hasn't been updated in almost a week and I feel bad.

Boy, that Catholic guilt thing will stay with you for a long, long time! On a different note...

I had a nice little Mom memory/love thing happen today. Well, as you might know my mom died almost two years ago. I inherited a lot of her clothes. Today I decided to put on a Halloween sweatshirt of hers. When I grabbed it, I smelled it. It has a very faint smell of mom, Shalimar and something else I can't describe. Not a bad smell, a memory smell, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I put it over my head to put it on and I pushed my arm through the sleeve and out popped a Kleenex from the cuff. I had to laugh! My mother used to blot her nose or lips and then stuff her Kleenex up her sleeve just in case she or anyone else needed it. This may seem gross to some, but I always thought it was cute. I knew if I sneezed or unexpectedly burst into tears, my mom had me covered, out would come a tissue from her sleeve.

Anywho, it was a great way to start off this insanely busy day!!!

Lara's Tag

2005-10-25T14:56:00.000-07:00

I've not been inspired to write much lately, but Lara gave me an excuse.

The rules:
1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas…
5. Tag five people to do the same.

My 23rd post was about Reality Bites being on American Movie Classics. My 5th sentence:

Mostly because Ethan Hawke is so sexy and tortured throughout the whole thing.

I guess this proves I don't alway write complete sentences, my age and the fact that I had a thing for brooding, tortured men once upon a time. I also enjoy reminiscing about my own tortured youth and still sometimes harass myself for my wildness. Although, some of my biggest mistakes have been the best things that have ever happened to me. It's all about the journey people!

I hereby tag
1. Craig
2. Rosie
3. Jonesy
4. Trudy
5. Jay

If you want to participate, great! If you don't, no biggie!

2005-10-23T13:15:00.000-07:00

So sorry I've not blogged much lately. I'm blogstipated.

I started to blog about Harriet Miers and what a loser she is. She's such a loser that the Catholic Church has denied that she was ever Catholic. Yeah, they even looked back to see if there were any records of her receiving any sacraments. How bad do you have to be that an entire religion wants to go on record to deny that you were ever one of them?

I digress, I didn't write that blog because I'm all worn out from The Shrub. I have no more energy for his uselessness.

I was then going to blog about how hard it is to be a parent. There's a news flash, right? I didn't go into parenting with blinders on. I knew it was going to be a tough gig, but holy cow! With every corner turned, something new comes up to kick my ass. The constant questioning and wondering if you're doing the right thing. The worrying about the future therapy bills. I know, I just know that I'm going to drive them to therapy. Every time I make a mistake I think, holy crap there's another mother-of-the-year nomination. The file of my failings as a parent is thick!

So I chose not to go on about parenting. After all, it isn't as if what I have to say is new. Then I was going to blog about the sarcastic bastard I live with. Here's a tidbit from last night:

Me: They never explained in the movie how they were going to get the anecdote to all of those people.

Him: They'd probably just tell them a joke.

Me: You're an asshole. Sorry, ANTIDOTE!

Him: What?

Me: You couldn't just say, "You misspoke, honey, you meant antidote, not anecdote" You had to be a smart ass and correct me with a sarcastic, snotty comment. I know I'm not a brainiac, but being snotty like that just rubs it in, like "look how stupid she is!"

Him: That's not true. You were smart enough to get my dig! (grins)

Me: Very funny!

Okay, so he is funny, but he's also a sarcastic bastard. I didn't want to devote an entire blog to him either. That's just the encouragement he needs. So here I sit, with nothing of any real consequence to note. Still pluggin' along. I'll let you know when I'm not all blogged up and the ideas are free flowing, so to speak!

Who wants to come over?

2005-10-18T14:13:00.000-07:00

It's a sad state of affairs when you're cleaning house and your 6 year old says, "who's coming over?" Apparently that's the only time I really clean! Oh well. The house is cleaner than it's been in months, the fall decorations are up and I finally have something hanging on the dining room wall, that has been vacant most of the 4 1/2 years we've lived in this house. All is well!

I did in fact have people over. Last night I hosted the squadron spouses meeting. No event works out without a few mishaps. While making hummus the night before I almost caught the kitchen on fire. The blender got all discombobulated with the ingredients that go into making hummus. It sounded like a car that was pulling hight RPM's and smelled like burned wires. I think it may go to blender heavan. It's been good to us with the many margaritas and milk shakes, but alas it's little motor was all blended out.

While vacuuming yesterday the damn vacuum did the same exact thing. High RPM sound, burned smell. There I was, frantically trying to clean and the major appliance I needed was acting up. I had to at least get the living room done, so I vacuumed in shifts. When the smell got to be too strong I would stop and let it cool down and then start again. I finally got finished with the room and immediately put it in the trunk to take to the repair shop. I've decided that my house is where appliances go when they want to die.

An hour before everyone's supposed to arrive the kitchen lights go out. We've been here for 4 1/2 flippin years and haven't had to change the fluorescent light bulbs in the kitchen once. When do they decide they have no more juice for mamma? Yep, right before my guests arrive. Did I mention my husband is awesome? He got the bulbs and replaced them in record time. Guests arrived while I was finishing putting the food out and the whole shindig was a great success! Someone actually asked if I did the food myself or if I had help. It's great for the ego when you know you've worked hard and you did it yourself.

My hubby always laughs when we have an event at the house because things get done that we've put off forever. He hung plates on the wall in the dining room and we replaced a mirror on the living room wall. I rearranged the furniture and the living room/dining room looks warm and inviting. All is right for the moment, so I was wondering who I could invite over, you know before my house gets all jacked up? So you wanna come over? I'll make some good Italian, we can drink Vodka and cranberry, maybe play some Cranium! Any takers? :-)

Coney Island

2005-10-12T16:49:00.000-07:00

Poor Bear, the cone head. Bear is one of my three dogs. As if any dog who licks their balls, eats poop and gets humped in the side by our other male dog needs any more humiliation, he has to wear one of those cones. He had surgery today to remove a mass on his belly. They sent him home to me while he's still doped up on morphine and he's totally freaking me out.

Have you ever seen a person or animal totally hopped up on pain meds? They look through you not at you. It's kind of scary because with my dog I keep thinking he's going to suddenly go berserk on me. He keeps bumping into people and things. He's sore so he doesn't want to lay down. He just stands around, panting and bumping into stuff. It's sorta funny, but mostly sad.

Luckily the mass is benign, but when I found it I didn't know. I had that whole scenario of telling my kids the dog died and what that would be like. Boy, that can put a person in an emotional tailspin. Dropping him off this morning it was like he knew. He got into the car just fine, but when we arrived at the vet clinic, he didn't want to go in. When it was time for the helper to take him back to the kennels he pulled the old, "sorry lady, my hind legs don't work" deal. He looked at me as if to say, "please don't let them take me! I'll do anything! I'll even quit the balls licking thing, I know that really grosses you out! Pllleeaase!" I had big crocodile tears in my eyes as I drove away.

And now, as I sit here typing he's staring at me with those big, blank, drug hazed eyes. His cone is about the size of a small third world country, and he's panting, panting, panting. Not to complain or anything, well...who am I kidding, I'm a big complainer. BUT, I feel like I have enough responsibility and now this poor cone headed creature needs me and it's about all I can do not to go a little berzerk myself.

Bitchy, Achy and Crampy, Oh My!

2005-10-11T15:10:00.000-07:00

Well men friends, avert your eyes because I'm on the rag and I'm gonna complain about it! I have to say that since my guy got snipped I've been rather annoyed with having a period. I know that it's good for my health to have a normal functioning, hormone producing body and I am grateful all my stuff works. It's just that I know I won't be having any more kids and I still have to endure the bloating, cramping, mood swings and all the other stuff associated with reproducing. I've been doing this since I was what 12? I'm sick of it already!

To add insult to injury, literally, I fell yesterday and it wasn't pretty. A sure sign of getting older is instead of laughing at your clumsiness when you fall, you find yourself laying there taking stock of all your body parts to make sure you're okay.

I'll start from the beginning. As you know I'm preparing to have a bunch of people here next Monday. I've been cleaning house, purging all sorts of stuff and taking care of things that have been neglected for quite some time. One of those things is my kitchen blinds. They're gross and need a good cleaning. So I was standing on one of the barstools that usually line my kitchen counter. Not the smartest choice since they're swiveling stools. I was on the phone, getting off the stool to rinse my rag then back up again to reach the top slats. What can I say? I was trying to multi-task. As I tried to leap off the stool to rinse my rag again, my pant leg got caught on the back of the stool and I fell like a giant oak.

The silly thing is that my first reaction was to reach for the phone to make sure my good friend was still there. She said, "What the hell happened?!?" Calmly, I replied, "Could you hold on for a second?" And there I lay, mentally taking stock of my body parts. At this time my husband had run into the room and was asking if I was okay. I just laid there, mentally saying, "I can move my legs, my hands, there doesn't seem to be any blood. Man that hurt like a sonofabitch!"

I slowly got up and proceeded to tell my friend that I just took a dive off a stool in the kitchen but I was alright. My husband walked away, shaking his head. He then went to the blinds, measured them and added their measurements to the list of things we needed to buy at Home Depot. Apparently that was enough cleaning for him.

Last night I went to bed dreaming of Vicodin. I was wishing I had a bottle left over from when Craig had knee surgery or something. I woke up with an ache over the entire left side of my body. Apparently when the giant oak fell, the left side took the brunt of the linoleum.

So here I sit, crampy, achy and quite bitchy. Those are my husband's favorite three dwarves! Lucky for him he has to live with me and my whiney self until the pain goes away! (Actually he has to live with me even when this pain goes away, but let's face it people, when you're married the pain never REALLY goes away!)

HELP!

2005-10-09T16:37:00.000-07:00

Alright people! I need your help. I'm hosting a meeting here next Monday for military spouses. Usually there's some sort of activity or theme. I've done crafts at the skills center on base and had a fondu party, but I'm currently at a loss as to what to do. I thought we could play some kind of game or craft with a Halloween or Thanksgiving theme, but I've looked online and went to Michaels today and nothing appeals to me.

I have plenty of decor for the theme(Halloween/Fall) and I never really stress about the food, but I need something fun and clever to do. We still have the business portion of the meeting, so the activity can't take too long. So put your collective minds together and help me out!!!

Mind Blowing, Head-Banging Sex

2005-10-06T13:09:00.000-07:00

Okay, everyone who's read my blog knows that I love and adore my husband. I don't divulge all the details of our marriage and sex life on my blog (shocking because I've divulged so much already) out of respect for our union. HOWEVER, an interesting thing happened while in the middle of one of our sexfests that I must share.

I mean I have no juicy details to share, because really I'm no porn queen and he's no Long Dong Silver. I'm average, he's average. Our pieces fit together quite nicely, thank you very much. We're a little adventurous in the bedroom, but not too crazy. Let's just say we're both pleasantly satisfied. Well, last night during a great half hour of sexercise my husband was so zealous in his...movements, that he knocked a glass candle holder off the headboard right on my head!

Fortunately for me, I already got my cookie, if you know what I mean. We were onto Craig's cookie when the unfortunate incident happened. It's a very odd feeling to go from euphoria to excruciating pain in all of 5 seconds. The thing is, I really wanted him to finish, but I also wanted to curl up in a ball and wail in pain. I wanted to scream, "The injustice! The agony! Get me some ice, you oversexed maniac!"

What actually came out of my mouth was, "Could you hurry up and finish please?" Not one of my finer moments considering he was genuinely concerned for me and kind of lost his momentum. He managed to finish and I managed not to kick him in the balls. My head wasn't bleeding or anything, I just have a little bump. And, I know we're idiots for having a glass candle holder on the headboard, but usually we're careful and it really is a nice touch to the decor in our bedroom. I guess the upside is that it wasn't lit, "Yes, Mr. Fireman, we knew it wasn't smart to have headboard-banging-sex with candles lit on the headboard. How many of my neighbors homes burned to the ground again?"

Well, I guess the candles will all come down now. I was reminded of the mishap all day because of the dull ache I possess. God forbid I forget and brush the bruised part of my cranium, I just might wail in pain still! OY, the humanity!

Colin Firth, My Shithole and the Weather

2005-10-03T04:37:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that I neglected to put Colin "I love you just the way you are" Firth on my list!!! How could you all let me forget Colin??!?!?

Anyway, I haven't been blogging much lately because I was neglecting my house and chores. My motivation has failed me lately. I abhor housework, resent it really. I feel like it's never done, so why bust my ass every day? Well, I can't take it anymore. My house is a hell hole and I have to get busy!!

I've been going through some stuff in a storage room downstairs. I feel like I have serious ADD because every time I think I'm making leeway at paring stuff down, I get sidetracked by a picture, letter or keepsake. I think because I'm the youngest of so many kids and I could pack my childhood up in a small file box, I tend to hang on to EVERYTHING! So the cleaning of this pit is slow going. I wish I had a team of organizers to help me around here.

I volunteered to host a meeting here October 17th. That's the shot in the arm I need to get this place sparkling! Wish me luck.

BTW, it's currently 37 degrees here and we're expecting snow for tonight. At this rate, it's going to be a long, long winter. If you could just say a little prayer to the weather god and ask for him to let up on us a bit, I'd sure appreciate it! Thanks.

Circumcision, Jude Law and Hot Dudes

2005-09-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

It's come to my attention that the reason Jude Law's weiner looked odd to me is because he's uncircumcised. I do not have ANYTHING against uncut peni! A matter of fact after much research, I chose not to circumcise my boys. Apparently the research didn't involve checking out uncut, adult male peni. I'm not used to the look. The one I'm used to and enjoy greatly is circumcised, and very lovely might I add. I still find Jude Law to be too hairy for words and no longer on my list of fantasy lays. The following is the post I had cued up before I stumbled upon Jude's furriness and uncut man parts.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
I had a dream about Johnny Depp once. An erotic dream! I had a HUGE crush on him back in the 21 Jump Street days, but not so much since. Since that damn dream though I can't see a picture of him without salivating. I usually don't go for brunettes. Growing up in Southern California, I usually find the surfer boy blondes hot. But as I look at my celebrity crushes and the man I married, maybe I like those dark boys after all. Who knew?

The list:

1. Johnny Depp- I can't get him out of my head since the dream. Since his steller job in Pirates of the Caribbean, my fantasy often includes lots of pirate references. I'm the wench, he's the swashbuckler trying to bury his treasure!

2. Brad Pitt- I know, it's a bit too predictable, but I can't help it! He's FINE! I dare a woman to not want to fuck him after watching Troy!

3. Edward Norton- He's the smart, brooding type that always make my insides go all googly! I thought he was a scrawny white boy until I saw him in American History X (which is an excellent flick and a must see). Oh baby, did he bulk up for that role. Great abs; who knew he was hiding that body underneath that nerdy exterior. Mmmm, me likey!
4. Kevin Spacy- I bet you're thinking I'm loony, but he's got a charisma that I can't resist. I find him smart, charming and delectible! I kinda got the gay vibe from him the last time I saw him interviewed. Is he? It wouldn't change my mind, I'd still like to do the tube steak boogy with him!

5. Viggo Mortensen- YUMMY! So brooding and sexy! Great manly hands and beautiful eyes! Deliciously kissable lips. He fullfills every rescue fantasy I've ever had!

So there it is. I'm sure if I put my mind to it I could come up with a whole new group of celebs I'd like to... but these are the creme de la creme. Enjoy ogling and have a nice day!

UnLAWful

2005-09-29T12:53:00.000-07:00

**********************************************

WARNING:

CONTAINS FULL FRONTAL MALE NUDITY

***************************************************************

I had my post all cued up and ready, but I came across some interesting information I'd like to share. My post was about guys. The one's I fantasize about and the one I'm with. One that I lust over is Jude Law. Well, not any more, people. Sure, he's cute, has a sexy smile and he flaunts all his "good daddy" charm, but let me tell you, the internet revealed that not only is he a nanny humping cad, he has two unsavory body flaws.

The first was shocking to say the least. I googled him to find pictures for my post and I came across one that revealed his manly bits. I don't know what to think of it, but let's just say his penis left me cocking my head (teehee) in bewilderment. I'm not quite sure what to make of it but it looks...odd. The second picture I found was supposed to be some kind of sexy "I'm laying in bed don't you want me" pose. Holy leg hair, Batman!!! EWWW! He looks like Chewbacca's cousin. I never thought I had any strong feelings about leg hair on men, but apparently that's the deal breaker. He's off of my "Celebrities I'd like to fuck" list.

Exhibit A Exhibit B

I Love to Swing (not like THAT you perverts!)

2005-09-26T20:42:00.000-07:00

One of the greatest things about being a parent is rediscovering your childhood. One thing I've found out about myself is that I love to swing!

Today was a beautiful early fall day. That smell was in the air; you know the one where the air is crisp, clean, slightly smoky. Everywhere you look the leaves are in various stages of photosynthesis. The colors range from the rich green of late summer to the golden hues of the new season. There was a strong breeze that made the some leaves fall, but others twinkle and twidder on their branches. From the recent rain the ground was ever so slightly damp. The earthy aroma of the dirt made me want to curl my bare toes into it.

It was the perfect afternoon to be outside playing. I had flashbacks of running around, trying to hide from whoever was "it". We would make a people chain from whatever pole, rock, railing or car that was "safe" to help out the few stragglers that were the last to come out of hiding. Today, as I was "convinced" to go outside with the youngest, we started playing on the swingset in the front yard. I pushed him and then got on the other swing. Watching his cherubic smiles, listening to him urge, "higher, Mommy!" Left me feeling joyful-childlike!

We tried to reach the tree in the yard with our feet. Reaching higher and higher, both of us laughing as we grazed the leaves with the tips of our toes. That feeling of flying and the wind blowing in our faces. Being a part of that scene and being a part of one so many years ago.

Serendipity!

I Have A Confession

2005-09-26T10:27:00.000-07:00

I have a guilty pleasure. I don't know exactly why I'm so captured. Maybe I'm just like millions of Americans and have voyeuristic tendancies, maybe I just enjoy the idiocy of it all, I'm not sure. However, this is something I've only admitted to my husband. Please don't think less of me after you know my dirty, little secret... I love to watch The Girls Next Door!

If you haven't heard of this show, it's one of the latest reality shows featuring three of Hugh Hefner's SEVEN girlfriends. The three women are blonde, boobiful and one of them is dumber than two rocks. One of the girls is working on her second master's degree, a Phd candidate and her life's dream has been to be in Playboy. The other one is the only one who shares a room with Hef (I call him Hef now, we're tight like that). She's convinced that all the other's will eventually fade away and she'll be the head bitch...er...I mean bunny. It's soooo awful it's good. I can't help but to watch.

This week the Phd candidate was in tears. They finally got their chance to be in the magazine. There was individual and a group photo shoots. One of the group shots was in the shower (how original)! Smarty-pants had to leave to take a final and they went ahead with the shoot with the other two girls. When she found out she was DEV-I-STAT-ED! She cried to Hef and they had to re-shoot with her in the shower with the other two, AWWWW!

This brings me to the conversation I had with my husband. I asked him what would he think if I was naked in a magazine. He said it would depend on my reason for posing nude. I replied, "money?" He said that money wasn't a good reason. A good reason might be if I needed the validation of professionals in that field to approve of my body. I disagreed. I thought that looking to strangers for approval rather than to him (or better yet myself) was an insult to him. So what do you think? What is a good reason to pose nude? Artistic? Personal gratification? Money? And what's the difference between posing nude for Playboy or for an artist doing a painting? More importantly, what's your guilty pleasure? ;-)

Baby Photo Friday

2005-09-23T08:23:00.000-07:00

As if you couldn't tell the two black and white photos are Craig & I (he's the goober with the bow tie). As far as the kids photos, at this point I don't know who is who... just kidding, but they do look alike! Have a great weekend!

Ahhhhh Pillow Talk

2005-09-22T12:05:00.000-07:00

I get obsessed with stupid stuff sometimes. Something that was on my mind when I went to bed last night was spelling. In a blog comment I wrote light instead of lite. Now I know it's stupid to obsess over stuff like that, I mean really, who gives a shit? But I think coming from a family of extreme overachievers who are totally preoccupied with being smart and being right...you can maybe understand why my mind couldn't let it go. So, my husband, Mr. sensitive will not play into my obsessing because he knows there is NO WAY out when you get into that maze of my psychosis. Here's our "goodnight" banter:

Me: I misspelled lite in that comment I made. I wrote l-i-g-h-t instead of l-i-t-e. I'm an idiot.
Him: Yeah, you'll be known as Dumb Girl. That's okay, you're pretty.
Me: Thanks, you're an asshole! That's okay because you're funny.
Him: Hee, hee goodnight.
Me: Goodnight, Ass!

He refuses to play into my psychosis. He knows that if he said, "Honey, you're not an idiot. You're smart and it was just a silly mistake, don't worry about it." He would still be awake listening to, "I AM an idiot! You're just saying that because you have to. Remember the time I..." and then he'd have to hear about one of the million times I've done something stupid, said the wrong thing or screwed up in some inconsequential way. Poor bastard!

Reality Bites

2005-09-20T09:25:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm not getting my pit cleaned up because I got detoured by Reality Bites and was horrified to see that it's on AMC. What the hell?!?!? You expect to see Singin' in the Rain or An Affair to Remember on American Movie Classics, not REALITY BITES!!!!

I loved this movie. Mostly because Ethan Hawke is so sexy and tortured throughout the whole thing. Too bad he's a womanizing bastard now. Who would cheat on Uma Therman? Gina Gerofilo is an all time favorite actress/comedian. I love her acerbic humor, her fuck-you-all attitude and quirky style.

Takes me back to the early 90's and my college years. Was everyone full of angst and uncertainty or was that just me? Such a confussing time. I would like to go back in time and have a little chat with that girl. Tell her to pull her head out of her ass and reassure her that everything will turn out alright. I know that if she knew everything would turn out alright she wouldn't have made all of those mistakes that brought her here. Who am I kidding? Of course she would've made those mistakes...she was an idiot!

Hats...hats...hats

2005-09-18T20:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not the kind of person that has to be busy. I really enjoy reading a good book, watching movies and enjoying the slow ebb and flow of my life. This weekend reminded me that I indeed have many hats and have to adapt to each new situation whether I want to or not.

Friday I went to Helena for my 10 year college reunion(yes, 10 freakin' years). I met up with a dear friend of mine and we went to the school to tour all of the new buildings and see the changes that have happened since we left. Nothing like touring a dorm room and seeing Hello Kitty decorations to make you feel old. The campus was beautiful, but most of our friends and roommates couldn't make it for one reason or another. The social Friday night was a bummer for that very reason. The chicks that used to party like rock stars were home in bed by 11:30 because of kids and other responsibilities. I would liked to have stayed for the football game and party Saturday, but my other hat beckoned.

I came back to help decorate for the big Air Force Anniversary ball Saturday evening. It was very satisfying to see all of the hard work my husbands been doing for months to come to fruition. The ball was a great success! There were a few minor mishaps, but considering there were close to 700 people in attendance, what do you expect? I got a taste of the schmoozing and politicking that goes on in the military. I told Craig that it would have been fun just to be an anonymous face in the crowd. The thank yous we both received were awesome, but after a while it feels weird. I like getting attention, just not that much attention. :-) Craig got biiiiig kudos at work today, so YIPEEEE! I'm glad it's over. Lucky for me, we were so busy I didn't spend hours before obsessing about my dress, hair, shoes, etc. and we looked just fine. The picture is posted on my sisters blog if you want to see it http://rosemont1217.blogspot.com/2005/09/isn.html (she beat me to the punch)!

Sunday seemed a little anticlimactic since the whole thing was over. Nothing like 3 children to snap you back to reality(or hat #3). We spent the afternoon at the soccer field(my older two had games). As I was watching one son run down field with all of the energy of a hummingbird on crack and the two others walk off hand in hand to the park, I thought, "God, it doesn't get better than this!" Life moves onward and I'm just glad to be deeply ensconced in the thick of things. Today is blissfully normal!

AWWWWW

2005-09-15T18:53:00.000-07:00

Today I got my hair cut and colored. I usually color my hair myself because I'm cheap, but I have a formal event this weekend and decided to spring for a professional job. My hair lady is a pretty nice woman(aside from the Flock of Seagull style I got today, but I digress). She and I have gradually gotten to know each other over the past 18 months or so. Today she revealed a lot about herself. She started talking about her first marriage and her current one in referrence to the things she automatically sacrificed for her man because it seemed to be what she was "supposed" to do.

She's 45 and grew up in Montana. Generally speaking, girls grow up here and are destined to get married and have babies, not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just that most of these girls go away to college, tech school, beauty school and whatnot, but once married with children many give up their own aspirations for their husband. My stylist did just that, both times. Now she's resentful...still...after 17 years of marriage. It sucks and I found myself sitting there listening to her feeling grateful.

I know you all think I'm a bitch. I don't have anything against her, I felt bad for her. It's just I'm a lucky girl to have found the right boy for me. Here's a list of the reasons he's the best thing that ever happened to me and why I'm eternally grateful (if you don't like it, move on...it's MY blog and I'll gush about my guy if I want to):

1) he knew he wanted to marry me after just 3 weeks (which was not according to his long term goals, but what do you do when you're in love?)

2) he goes bra shopping with me

3) when our new kitten destroyed my wedding bouquet (I was drying it out for a keepsake) and I was totally bummed out about it, he went to the florist and bought me one EXACTLY like it.

4) for our 5th anniversary he found out the "gift" for that particular number was wood and made me a wooden jewelry box and put a pendant in it.

5) when I had our first son he told me I grew a beautiful placenta

6) he finds me sexy and tells me

7) he's never asked me to give up my dreams

8) he encourages me to do anything that will make me happy

9) he still makes me laugh so hard I often snort, cry or pee myself

10) the sex has never been better!

I feel like we are the members of this great team. We work hard together and play hard together and we share all of ourselves. I sometimes feel so bad when I'm with a woman whose unhappy in her marriage, especially if the couple fundamentally doesn't understand each other. I feel guilty for having this relationship that is so right for me. I made mistake after mistake with men when I was single and never thought I'd find "the one". Now that I have him, I have to pinch myself at my good fortune. He's a treasure and a blessing and I thank God every day that He stuck us together!

Art For Art's Sake

2005-09-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

I'm not a big fan of Western art, however I think I'm self actualized enough to respect any artist for the sake of the art. The city of Great Falls started a public art project two years ago. The project is called The Buffalo Hunt and has two purposes: 1) to create a public art project with broad community appeal and involvement and 2) to endow funds for the museum's education, acquisition and exhibit programs.

The museum commissioned a local sculptor who designed a large scale buffalo that was then sent to a company to be made into 26 fiberglass models. Then the museum had local artists paint the buffalo and they were displayed at various businesses around the city. The businesses sponsored their own buffalo, paying for the model itself and supplies for the artists. The buffalo were then auctioned off on September 10th and grossed nearly $500,000!

I chose a few of our family favorites, but if you'd like to see all of the buffalo and calves go to http://www.cmrussell.org/buffalohunt/index.html.

My family has really enjoyed driving around town and seeing our buffalo friends. Like I said, I'm not a big fan of Western art, but I do appreciate art in general and am proud that my city is doing what it can to support local artists.

Picture Day!

2005-09-12T14:53:00.000-07:00

Do you remember picture day at school? I was asked to volunteer today at my sons' school to help with picture day.

I remember when I would get up a little earlier to make sure my coiffure was styled to picture day perfection. Fortunately or unfortunately, I went to Catholic school so I didn't have to worry about what to wear...it was always the blue plaid jumper. I would practice smiling in the mirror after brushing my teeth to make sure I put my best face forward.

I enjoyed spending time with the kids today. Although my unscientific poll shows that only 1 in 20 kids practiced smiling for picture day. When I asked them if they practiced in the mirror, they looked at me like I was some kind of moldy food left in the back of the fridge. Sometime in the last few years I went from someone I thought was hip to geeky-volunteer-mom-at-picture day.

I discovered that the photographers who take school pictures annoy the shit out of me. Whoever thought of telling the kids to say things like "happy monkey" to get them to smile was an idiot. The kids don't smile better after saying those lame phrases. Half the time they have some retarded look on there face from trying to say lame phrase and smile fakely at the same time. And what about the whole "chin down and move your head toward me" bit? They look so unnatural and contorted in a very unflattering way.

All in all picture day was a great success (despite my boys getting filthy before we even left the house this morning)!

I'm Losing My Mind For Sure!

2005-09-08T15:01:00.000-07:00

I have watched waaaay too much t.v. lately. I was so depressed yesterday between the news and Oprah. I saw many stories about average people (and celebs on Oprah) helping and yet my government is so sluggish. It's hard to watch and so I've spent part of today pondering glow-in-the dark tattoo ink.

Wouldn't it be awesome to have a tattoo that glows in the dark? Why hasn't anyone invented this magical ink? I think I would get one near my goodies. What fun would that be during some adult playtime!? What about tattoo ink that glitters? I've got to be some kind of genius and need to patent my idea. See? There is an upside to a natural disaster of epic proportions, gives me time to be brilliant!

Okay, I just found this online and I guess I shouldn't be filling out that patent too soon. It's black light tattoo ink.

Then I found this:

Q: Can I get a glow in the dark tattoo?

A: The material that makes something glow-in-the-dark is not suitable for use in tattooing. Something will glow in the dark because it has phosphoresce in it. That material can cause cancer in humans. I have heard that there is safe blacklight tattoo ink, however, a tattoo is permanent, and people have only been using the blacklight ink for a few years. There is no real understanding about the long-term effects. Most of the blacklight ink that I have seen does not look very good as a tattoo anyway. It seems like that ink is much more likely to heal up patchy. No one really knows how long the ink will stay reactive to blacklight. I really cannot recommend something that has that many unknown variables.

Look at what else I discovered:

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Body piercing and tattoos make way. The latest fashion trend to hit the Netherlands is eyeball jewelry. Dutch eye surgeons have implanted tiny pieces of jewelry called "JewelEye" in the mucous membrane of the eyes of six women and one man in cosmetic surgery pioneered by an ophthalmic surgery research and development institute in Rotterdam.The procedure involves inserting a 3.5 mm (0.13 inch) wide 1 piece of specially developed jewelry. The range includes a glittering half-moon or heart into the eye's mucous membrane under local anaesthetic a costof 500 to 1,000 euros ($1,232).

Holy Crap, Batman! What next?

REALLY?

2005-09-07T14:41:00.000-07:00

I've lived in Montana for 4 years now. Thank the Lord I am embarking on our final year, not because I don't like the state, but because I still haven't gotten used to receiveing this shit in the mail. This is a page from a catalogue called Cabela's World's Foremost Outfitter. I've never ordered from this catalogue or its company. I don't hunt or fish and yet it magically comes in the mail every year. This page proudly displays baby camo gear (some with ruffles mind you). What the hell!?!?!

Why Do I Torture Myself?

2005-09-06T14:26:00.000-07:00

I know that I may not have the best taste in movies, but I think I have an open mind and am willing to watch non-mainstream movies to broaden my horizons. For example I rented the Big Lebowski (several years back) just to see if it was up to snuff with other Coen movies (Fargo, Raising Arizona, O Brother Where Art Thou. All works of art, all must sees that I know and love.) Well, aside from making me crave white Russians, I thought the movie sucked! It was a waste of 2 hours of my life. Two hours I can never get back. Maybe I just didn't get it, whatever IT is.

I'm starting to realize that I am a gullible movie watcher. I believe the hype. I think something will be worth my while and then it blows chunks. Tonight's vomit fest was Dallas 362. I read an article in my local newspaper (mistake numero uno) where they praised Scott Caan (James' son) for writing, directing and starring in this big piece of shit. I never really thought he was a great actor, but I thought, "hey he's James Caan's son, he might have a talent for writing and direction, give it a shot." Stupid, stupid, stupid. Clearly I bought the hype hook, line and sinker and wasted, yet again, my precious time. I can't really say one good thing about the movie.

I always think it's awesome, on the flip side, when you watch a movie that you expect to suck and it turns out to be surprisingly good. An example of this would be any recommendation my husband gives me. See, I always think he's going to recommend a guy movie that will be gory and awful, but he's been brilliant in dragging me to The Usual Suspects, The Saint, O Brother Where Art Thou, and recently rented Sin City. All of which I enjoyed. Sin City is gory. A comic book movie, but incredibly made, beautifully artistic and gave me a new appreciation for Mickey Rourke whom I usually think is the creepiest man on the planet.

It turns out, I'm the one who has the shitty taste picking out movies. I drug him to see Must Love Dogs thinking you can't go wrong with John Cusack. Yuck! I keep giving these romantic comedies a whirl. I'm hoping that I'll find a Bridget Jones, or When Harry Met Sally, Amelie, An Affair to Remember, take your pick. Instead I watch Jersey Girl, Little Black Book and Raising Helen. All of which were so awful, I'm embarrassed to have admitted watching them .

I only wrote this blog to bitch about how sucky Dallas 362 was. I needed to vent. I hope I may have done some public service. Scott Caan, SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!

Family Circus

2005-09-03T21:45:00.000-07:00

We went to the circus tonight and my husband said, "I'm glad we did this. Now we don't have to do it ever again!"

It's easy to commiserate with him when it costs a family of 5 $80 just for tickets!!! What??!?!?! Since when did a night of family fun have to cost a mint? Although, watching their faces light up when the elephants came in the ring trunk to tail, it's almost worth the dough.

I've often wondered about circus people. Is it as romantic as we all thought as teenagers? You know, when you were so pissed off at your parents and their "totally unfair" treatment of you that you considered running away and joining the circus? You would discover that you had quite a talent for the trapeze. You started designing your glittery unitard with matching feather head dress. You just knew you were going to be so famous and so loved that your parents would come watch your act after many years of estrangement. They would see you flying through the air, with your costume glittering and the crowd cheering. They would be moved to tears and suddenly feel so bad for their shabby treatment of you. They would hug you and kiss you and tell you how they were so wrong, wrong wrong.

Well, part of me sees that dream and then the other part notices the trailers parked outside the circus venue. I doubt it's very glamorous traveling from city to city, living out of a trailer. I was imaginging tonight that there has to be some sort of circus people hierarchy. The ring master would have to be the big daddy of them all. Then you would have the Cossack and their glorious horses. You know they're revered (can you say hunka, hunka burnin' love?). Then the family of acrobats, the pretty girls who egg on the crowd and the motorcycle guys who ride like the devil in that metal sphere. Of course after the clowns I bet the whole class system would go down hill from there. The poor guys that haul around the equipment, setting up the stools for the elephants and carting it away and such. The souvenir folks are probably loooooow on the totem pole. Don't get me started on the poor bastard that has to clean up after the animals. So how do you suppose someone would come up with that life choice?

"No, I don't want to go to college, mom, I'm going to join the circus and sell snow cones in tiger cups for $10 a piece. Yeah, that's the life for me!" Or "I don't want to join the military, but I do want to travel...hmmm...I've got it! I'll join the circus and clean up elephant poo!"

I'm not knocking it. I think everyone has to figure out what's right and what works for them. It sure would be an interesting life in the circus, I'm certain it isn't dull. So God Bless you guy from Rio de Janeiro who can bend your body like a pretzel! The Roblyer family really enjoyed your performance tonight!

Hurricane Relief

2005-09-02T13:18:00.000-07:00

http://truthlaidbear.com/katrinarelief.php

I donated to the American Red Cross if you're interested. I appreciated MadGayHousewife and STB for directing me to the above link. I think Stephen is so right when he says that we're all connected. It's impressive what we can do with this form of communication. Something we might have taken for granted, but not in light of what we've born witness to over these past several days.

When you see, you have no right to turn your back and do nothing.

Thank You and God Bless!
Mary

I want to be one of the cool kids

2005-08-31T20:18:00.000-07:00

In light of the Katrina tragedy, I know this is a lame post, however, I needed a distraction and this provided me (I'm ashamed to say) with a couple of hours off from the news.

I've been blog surfing again. I've found that many bloggers have a list. You know the one I'm talking about...the list about themselves. Now, I've just made some blogging friends and I thought I didn't want to bore or scare them off with my list, but I can't help it...I'm self-centered, self-absorbed and self-involved, so I just HAD to compile my own list of 100 random things about ME!

1. I'm the youngest of nine.

2. I can pout and manipulate with the best of them because I'm the youngest of nine.

3. I got engaged to my husband 3 1/2 weeks after meeting. We were married a year later and just had our 9th anniversary.

4. I have 3 dogs one of which is female. She's the youngest of nine too and I think she understands me on a deep level.

5. I used to be a teacher. I liked teaching 2nd and 3rd grade the most (there's not enough money in the world to make me teach Kindergarten again).

6. I love autumnal colors.

7. Red lipstick makes me feel sexy, I wear it A LOT.

8. I'm afraid of driving on bridges.

9. I won a blue ribbon at the state fair for cherry pit spitting.

10. Laundry is the bane of my existence.

11. I jumped out of a perfectly good plane and lived to tell about it.

12. I want to run a marathon one day.

13. I'm a short, dark, hairy Italian girl and I have two sisters with red hair and freckles (yes, same two parents).

14. I had a Donny and Marie lunch box in grade school and used to dance in the living room to their variety show.

15. I have 2 tattoos.

16. I can't ride a bike well at all.

17. I played basketball for 7 years.

18. I love gin! I also enjoy vodka, well and beer...pina colatas are my froo froo drink of choice, then there's Captn' and coke. I think peppermint schnapps and hot chocolate is one of my favorite things about winter. I could go on, but I don't want to put my drink down and typing with one hand is getting to be a pain.

19. I have a bird phobia (they're rats with wings).

20. I went to Catholic grade school and college (read: many hang ups).

21. I HATE lima beans.

22. I love food and cooking (except lima beans).

23. I actually went to an MC Hammer concert my first year of college (Can't touch this).

24. Romance novels make me horny.

25. I secretly LOOOOOVE my husbands stupid humor, but I tell him it drives me crazy.

26. My husband and I met at a bar where I spotted him dancing alone. I had to guzzle my Red Dog beer to get the courage to dance with him, therefore, I made the first move.

27. I wish I could pee standing up.

28. If I don't check on my boys before I go to bed I can't sleep.

29. I had braces.

30. I was in 2 car accidents at 16 and 18, but haven't been in one since.

31. Little Women was my first favorite book and started my love of reading.

32. I still have my first copy of Little Women given to me by my older sister.

33. There are 17 years between my eldest sibling and me. We are very close!

34. My husband knows all of my secrets.

35. I was an aunt when I was 4.

36. I was an unplanned pregnancy (You think? She had an IUD implanted).

37. I had an unplanned pregnancy.

38. My boobs grew 3 cup sizes in high school (A when I started D when I graduated. That wasn't traumatic at all).

39. My husband and I rarely yell, but often bicker and we both diffuse stressful arguments with stupid and often sarcastic humor.

40. I think pedicures are beautifully decidant.

41. I yell at the tv.

42. I've always talked to myself. When I was little I did this on the toilet which was great entertainment for my siblings.

43. I've had 2 nicknames: Memee and Mow Mow...I've hated them both.

44. I have dreams about playing basketball.

45. I have a reccuring dream about skipping college classes and then going for the final where I can't locate the room, I'm totally unprepared and scared out of my mind.

46. I'm an ex-smoker.

47. I still miss cigarettes.

48. I think about cigarettes a lot, but will NEVER start smoking again.

49. I don't go to church any more, but I refuse to call myself an ex-Catholic.

50. I've only been to the movies by myself twice and only once as an adult.

51. I've never broken a bone (well, my finger playing basketball, but no cast, so that doesn't count).

52. I'm a cryer. I cry at movies, sappy commercials, when I'm mad, sad and happy.

53. Despite living around 2 great ski areas, I have never snow skiid.

54. I'm slightly lactose intolerant.

55. I think Jeff Corwin from Animal Planet is foxy.

56. In grade school I thought I made up the phrase "I'm warm for your form".

57. I wore white angora-type leg-warmers with my blue plaid uniform in 4th and 5th grade.

58. I get emotionally attached to clothes. For example, I still have the shirt Craig was wearing the night we met and my ugly-ass prom dress.

59. I have a pink Kitchen Aid stand mixer (that one's for you Jay).

60. My husband and I bake Christmas goodies for our friends and neighbors every year.

61. I watch Food Network all the time and have a crush on Bobby Flay. Iron Chef America rocks!

62. I've recently come to terms with the fact that I'm dorky. I used to think that only my husband was a dork, but now I realize that I'm a HUGE dork, and I'm okay with that.

63. My second tattoo was inked in NYC. Two of my sisters got tattoos with me.

64. I hate my first tattoo (I should know better than to get a tattoo in a trailer from a guy named Wild Bill. What can I say, I was 21, and stoned, not my finest moment).

65. I collect mis-matched china.

66. I lived in Germany for 3 years as a child.

67. My best friend in grade school was named Mary too.

68. My brother Chris hated me while growing up (he's #8), now we're great friends and he still feels guilty about all the torturing.

69. My sons carry the best qualities of me and my husband.

70. I was never really driven about my own personal goals. I always wanted a simple life with someone who loved me just the way I was (I got that in aces).

71. My father-in-law married my husbands aunt. We tell people we have a family pole instead of a family tree.

72. I have a potty mouth.

73. My parents never cussed while we were growing up and most of us have gutter mouths.

74. I gave birth 4 times with no pain medication (that's my BIG claim to fame, although I want to add it wasn't on purpose. Craig thinks I'm such a stud and brags about me).

75. I'm self conscious about my back (no hump or anything, it's just not a good back).

76. I hated my 3rd grade teacher.

77. I'm short and have almost always had big boobs, so people describe me as, "You know Mary, short...big boobs".

78. I've thought long and hard about boob surgery. I can't decide. Part of me loves that they worked to the best of their ability to nourish my children and excite my husband and I don't ever want to change them. The other part of me wants cute, perky boobs and would love to go braless on a regular basis.

79. I like the word boobs, tits...not so much. Breasts is a little impersonal and clinical. Boobs...nice.

80. 7 IS my lucky number

81. I'm a New Year's baby

82. I have terrible road rage

83. I often rant about injustices to me or others, but I'm awful at confrontation.

84. I once was an audience member at the Arsenio Hall show (it was lame, Hulk Hogan, Peter Scelar and Mike Tyson were his guests).

85. I've lost 2 of my sons in Wal-mart on seprate occasions and one in my own house (he fell asleep under my bed). Luckily they were all found safe and sound.

86. I find funny men incredibly sexy, examples of sexy, funny men in my book: My Husband, John Stuart, David Lettermen, Johnny Knoxville, Jimmy Fallon, Craig Kilborn, Jamie Fox, Denis Leary, Eddie Murphy, I could go on, but this list is taking me five years to complete so...

87. I'm still obsessing about the spelling of skiid on #53. Is it skiid, skied, skiied???

88. Oh, I'm a terrible speller.

89. I've been known to be petty and gruge-holding.

90. I always know exactly how to tell someone off a few days AFTER they've pissed me off.

91. When my husband cleans the kitchen or takes out the garbage I consider it foreplay.

92. I like burnt cheese.

93. I dig reference books.

94. I read the obituaries and sometimes cry over them.

95. I had a cat named Mittens growing up. He died when I was in college. I've never been able to bond with a cat since then.

96. Julia Roberts brother, Eric Roberts gives me the willies.

97. I do some of my best thinking and day-dreaming in the shower.

98. I'm observant and can read people pretty well.

99. I've never considered myself girly, but I love make-up, shoes and accessories A LOT!

100. It's taken me far too long to make this list, which makes me think I'm not very interesting, BUT I'm good in bed, so who needs a personality? :-)

Words I thought would never come out of my mouth

2005-08-31T08:30:00.000-07:00

1. Why are you naked again?
2. Is that poop on your sock?
3. Stop hitting your brother or I'll beat you!
4. Eat your fries so you can have dessert.
5. I'm too tired for sex, honey.
6. I don't care about fair I care about quiet.
7. I miss going to work.
8. If you clog that toilet again, I'm going to drive you to McDonald's the next time you have to
poop.
9. You're out of clean underwear? Go borrow your brothers.
10. Listen to what I mean not what I say. (Huh???)

It's sad, I know, I'm not proud of those moments. But that's what happens sometimes when you're a parent. What prompted this post is I said #2 just this morning. I've said it before and I'll say it again, being the mother of 3 boys and living with the man that I do, I'm destined to be surrounded by the pungent odor of feet and ass.

*********************************************

BTW, today's a better day than yesterday. I always feel better when the sun is shining! I am quite disturbed, however, by the images of the South on the TV. I've been watching MSNBC and CNN all morning and I'm horrified at the devastation. What sucks about technology and getting the news as it happens is it makes you feel so helpless. I have such a strong urge to do something, but what? Any ideas how a housewife in Montana can do something productive for those poor souls in Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama?

The Cycles of Life

2005-08-30T10:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the kids first day of school. I have a first grader and a second grader and my 3 year old starts preschool next week. He was very sad to say good-bye to his brothers yesterday. He cried as a dropped them off at their classrooms. Then he said he wanted to go to school and I told him it didn't start until next week. "Yes, I do go to my school now, mommy! I'm a BIIIIIIG boy!"

He punished me for a bit because he was so bummed out. Temper tantrums suck! I never quite know what to do. I understand he's pissed and want him to get it out, but on the flip side it makes me crazy! I have to try really hard not to totally lose it! He did come up to me while I was reading and said, "I love you too, Mommy!" Which always gets to me because he says, "too" as if I said it first! He really is so sweet when he wants to be, strong willed, but sweet none the less.

I've really been looking forward to the kids going back to school because I wanted to get back into a routine. Instead, I feel kind of sad about the whole thing. I'm sad that summer has come to an end. I'm sad that my kids have this whole other life apart from me that I don't even see. I'm sad because it's grey and rainy outside and I hate gloomy days. I try to cheer myself up by saying, "We need the rain, it's good for the farmers", but that didn't seem to help. I'm also sad because I miss my mom.

My mom died January 10, 2004. She had multiple sclerosis for a long time along with other various illnesses. The end was slow and painful. Her birthday was August 9th. This year on that date the shuttle landed and we looked back at Hiroshema and Nagasaki. All I kept thinking as the news went on and on about those stories was, "Don't you know today is my mom's birthday and she's dead!" How sad is that?

Since she was an Air Force wife and now I am, I often think of her in the context of events in my life and I so wish she were here to give me advice. This summer I saw so many friends whose mother's visited and spent special time with their grandchildren. I was green with envy!

I don't have that dull ache in my heart like I did watching her waist away to 80 pounds. That was a pain deep inside that I could never describe. What I have now is just a missing. I miss her and long for the comfort only she can bring to me. I have such an awesome life. My husband is an incredible man. My kids bring me so much joy, but I still can't get over missing her so much!

What's up with R Kelley?

2005-08-28T18:21:00.000-07:00

For you fellow MTV generation cats, have you been watching the VMA's? Now, I know R. Kelley is an odd dude, to say the least, but holy crap! His performance was one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. It was part music video-ish and part soap opera, but mostly crazy dude ranting.

Hello! The Killers were awesome! Lil' Kim has had so much plastic surgery, she doesn't even look like Lil' Kim any more. I thought the purple outfit and boob pasty was a bit over the top, but she was cute. Now she's kinda ghetto barbie scary!

More later! The show's not over

See what I mean?!

2005-08-28T11:18:00.000-07:00

This was an email that was forwarded to me by my college roommate. It proves my point in my last post about personal grooming. I'm pretty sure the story is fictitious, but it's very funny. I've done some stupid things (I know, shocking, but true), but this, is right up there for fucktard of the month award (thank you Breakfast Bitches for that awesome word!).

By the way, what is it lately with the obsession with hair removal? Now, a woman wanting to get rid of facial hair is perfectly understandable, but now it's as if you're not with it unless your body is as bald as a Kojak's dome. What's up with that? And how many people are checking out your bikini area to make sure you're up with the latest trends? Granted, I make sure there aren't any dark and curlies peeping out of my bikini, but really, Brazilian? OUCH!!!!

Here's the story, hope you enjoy!

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal; the epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...The wax. My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...Right!) I lay the strip across my thigh, hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the was strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...Must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...Remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off! " What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???" *WRONG!!!!!!!* I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter -"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, my dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....The lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, l but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color.....

Men Suck!

2005-08-26T09:58:00.000-07:00

Okay, I don't really mean that. Personal grooming just puts me in a bad mood, especially toward men. So we have a formal event to go to tonight. I was really getting pissed last night as I was getting a backache from painting my toe nails. That got me on a roll.

We dye our hair, wax, pluck, shave, paint, pat, line and it's all such a pain in the ass, literally and figuratively. My husband gets out of the shower, runs a razor across his face, gets dressed and he's gone. Whoa! It's enough to make me want to poison his pot roast!

And another thing...

Why is it that whenever there's a time when you want to look your best you have to put up with zits? I swear, backne (that's back acne) is the bane of my existence. When I want to look elegant and classy, I get a big red zit somewhere. In this case it's on my back, just in time for me to put a formal on that displays what?...MY BACK!!!

When I was in the wonderfully awkward throes of puberty I had clear, beautifully olive skin. Now, I'm in my thirties and I have zits. Zits on my face, zits on my neck, zits on my chest, zits on my back. Now granted, it's not as if I'm covered in boils, but I won't be in the next Dove ad either. I thought if you lived through the agony that is your teen years, and then survived the insanity of your twenties, it would be relatively smooth sailing. Well, not entirely, but at least with my appearance. I think I might be more insecure now than I was in high school. Oh now that's embarrassing to admit!

Are we destined, as women, to be obsessed with grooming? The cosmetic industry is banking on that. I wish I didn't care, but I'm finding that the girly girl in me can't cope without trying to look my best. I just wish that "my best" didn't include Nair and benzoyl peroxide!

This will be me!

2005-08-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

I've decided I want to run a marathon. I'm not sure when this will happen because my timing, as usual, sucks. If I started training now, I could conceivably run a marathon in December. Considering I live in Montana, December is out. I looked into running one in Mobile, AL where we'll be visiting over the holidays, but the one there wouldn't be until January 15. A little late with the kids' school schedule.

So, I don't know exactly when, but I will run a marathon. I originally set the goal for my 4oth birthday. That gives me 7 years to train. I'm rethinking that goal because I can't wait that long. I was checking out some running blogs, and I really got inspired. For the first time ever, I've actually considered running a marathon an attainable goal. Since I just started running in January, and even though I've only run as far as 4 miles, I think it's awesome that I have this much confidence! We'll talk after training begins!

Pat Robertson is a Boob

2005-08-23T16:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's hard to be an American. The fact that Pat Robertson and I both happen to have been born in America doesn't mean I want him to speak for me. The world community hears what he says and then they have more fuel to hate us. Don't get me wrong, I support our right to free speech, I think that's what makes our country so awesome. I just wish that extremists like Robertson wouldn't exercise his right on national television.

Pat Robertson, king of the 700 Club and once Republican Presidential candidate, with a ginormous evangelical following, said that we should just take out, as in assassinate, the president of Venezuela. Okay, Hugo Chavez is a dictator and not a good guy, but come on! Don't you think it's ironic that Pat Robertson is a member of the Christian Coalition? Someone who believes/follows Christ's teachings is saying, on television mind you, that we should just off another human being. His reasoning had something to do with the fact that Venezuela is the second largest supplier of oil to the US. Rather than have another war, we should just go kill this guy. Now Donald Rumsfeld and various other White House staffers have to officially deny that there is a hit on said dictator.

The world doesn't like us enough as it is, but now we have to have Pat Robertson the voice of America? He's the A-hole the White House is responding to? I just wish I didn't give a rats ass and then maybe I wouldn't be so damn embarrassed that world wide impressions of us are made by Pat Fucking Robertson. Thanks!

Blog Surfing

2005-08-22T11:57:00.000-07:00

My Husband said that blogging would be good for me because I would get to be a part of a world that doesn't include cartoons, leggos, food preparation, Band-aids, runny noses, interrupted showers (not in the good way), and all the other endless duties that come with being a stay at home mom. Well, I hate to say it, but he was right.

I went surfing the site to check out some other blogs and was happy to discover others like me. I have a theory that, aside from treating the women like slaves, the Amish have a good thing living the way they do. Being a stay at home mom can be lonely. It would be nice to wash dishes, prepare meals and clean as a team. I love being home with my kids, but you do lose yourself in the minutia. I went to college, I read and lately I feel like my brain can't grasp the most idiotic of concepts. My vocabulary has gone to shit, and when composing new entries for this blog, I have nothing of any interest to write.

But, I find myself comforted by reading other blogs, even with people I don't have much in common with. It's cheesy, but feeling connected, even through cyber space is an awesome thing. I can find people who enjoy the books I do, I can connect with other moms, I can read incredible, original poetry, view beautiful photographs and I can express my opinion of just about anything without being censored. How amazing is that? Being home all day with little people isn't as lonely then.

Runnin',runnin' and runnin,' runnin'...

2005-08-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

I ran a 5K this morning and I didn't pass out on the side of the road or vomit. Considering the amount of spit I watched fly around from the other runners (the guys, go figure) I'm pretty proud about the not barfing part.

I was really doing well working out, which is a whole new experience for me. I played sports in high school , but other than the occasional aerobics class, I never really "worked out". I've been out of high school for fifteen years, so I thought it was about time I take my health and fitness seriously. Besides, this is the first time in 9 years I haven't been pregnant or nursing a baby, so what the hell.

I started working out and eating healthy after the first of the year. By May I had lost a good 15 pounds (I'm only 5'2 so that was a lot), was down a couple of sizes and I never felt better. June came and my routine was shot to shit. Between going on vacation and my kids summer activities, I lost momentum. This morning was the shot in the arm I needed. I ran slow and I had to stop off and on, but I feel great now. Just getting up early, being outside and getting my blood flowing made all the difference in the world. I'm pumped now!

2005-08-18T15:32:00.001-07:00

tired mom

2005-08-18T15:32:00.000-07:00

My guys

2005-08-18T13:32:00.000-07:00

You ever have one of those days where you're just in a funk? It's not like you're really depressed, just...bluhg. I don't even know what the hell's going on. I can't even blame PMS.

I tried to dig myself out of the funk by going to the movies with the guy I live with. We went to see that romantic comedy Must Love Dogs. I'm a huge John Cusak fan so I thought the movie would really lift my spirits. Not so much. First of all poor John doesn't look all that great. He's usually so cute and quirky, just the way I like 'em, but not in this movie. Secondly, the movie only had marginally funny parts. I really needed a good laugh, so you can imagine my disappointment. The best part of the movie is the sister relationship, but still a little unrealistic. The sisters didn't get on each other's nerves and have enough bad hair and food issues for my taste!